


Against our better judgement

by Miggyrow



Series: Ode to our stubborness [1]
Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Comedy, Drama, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Medical Procedures, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:14:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23486647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miggyrow/pseuds/Miggyrow
Summary: In which a new potential candidate for the position of Chief is introduced and Meredith is being Meredith again, in which Amelia hides a secret, in which Cristina gets a lover, in which Alex gets frustrated, in which Catherine is out of control, in which someone goes into "fan" mode, in which Jackson opens his heart, in which April is faced with the ugly truth. Alt Season 12
Relationships: Catherine Avery/Richard Webber, Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd, Meredith/OC
Series: Ode to our stubborness [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689742
Kudos: 5





	1. Preamble

**Set in AU S12.** Story takes place after Derek's death and Meredith's subsequent return to Seattle Grace Memorial.

I wrote this story in 2015, season 12 wasn't out yet, at a time when I was a big Grey fan. I was a bit depressed at the handling of Derek's death in season 11. You will not find any of the new characters here. I searched fiercely for a certain type of fiction, the ensemble cast type, with some closure, and when I could not find it, it became frustrating to the point where a plot bunny started messing with my head and I simply decided to write what I actually wanted to read. Also, you will see the usual canon but mid-writing they are a lot crack pairing as well. They may be some continuity problem. Keep an open mind. I wrote this, .

* * *

**Character/Cast used in this story**

_(I will update this list as it goes)_

* * *

**Dr. Meredith Grey Shepherd – - Ellen Pompeo**

**Dr. Cristina Yang- - Sandra Oh**

**Dr. Alex Karev- - Justin Chamber** _s_

**Dr. Jo Wilson- - Camilla Luddington**

**Dr. Callie Torres - - Sara Ramirez**

**Dr. April Kepner- - Sara Drew**

**Dr. Stephanie Edwards- - Jerrika Hinton**

**Dr. Maggie Pierce- -Kelly McCreary**

**Dr. Catherine Avery- -Debbie Allen**

**Dr. Richard Webber--James Pickens, Jr**

**Dr. Jackson Avery- -Jesse Williams**

**Dr. Amelia Shepherd- - Caterina Scorsone**

**Dr. Warren Fresker--Raul Esparzà**

**Dr Kyle Yeahquo - - Daniel Henney**

**Dr Gabriel Fife -** **\- Michael Patrick Thornton**

**Dr Vika Gucic - - Noomi Rapace**

**Chief Nurse Thanvi Chakrabarti- - Anjali Anand**


	2. I Wish you were here

The receding blue and orange pushed valiantly against the dark veil of night. The sun floated downwards and crawled behind the horizon, cruelly unaware this marked the ending of a long stressful day for one Meredith Grey. In the morning, she did a routine laparoscopy on a sixty-nine-years old yoga and smoothie lover. In the afternoon, she had a very unnecessary meeting with Derek's lawyer. The familiar noisy hum of the fridge in the corner of the kitchen gave Meredith Grey a quiet sense of comfort. She leaned heavily on the shabby island once covered with Izzie Stevens's amazing guilt-filled cupcakes, as now covered with vegetables of various sizes and colors ready to be cut in sophisticated sticks and stars. Meredith paused and tried broccoli dipped in French vinaigrette. Her face contorted weirdly. She did an excellent job. It was barely edible. Perfect.

She turned to her tablet, inclined on an artificial slope made of cooking books. Thanks to Facetime, she could share Cristina Yang's mandatory thirteen minutes workout before she went off to work.

"How's the house? Did Karev, that scrooge, finally invested into a new shower? I dream of Italian marble when I come to visit you guys."

"Marble bathroom and Alex Karev? Well, how to say this? It does not quite work together."

"Derek was terrific at this. He knew marble tiles better than anyone. We used to have these deep conversations, Meredith. It was always so profound. "

"Yup, my husband is just the most amazing guy in the world."

"He was."

"He was." She corrected absent-mindedly.

"I miss him. I miss all of you guys, even George."

"I miss him the most. And Izzie?"

"You know I often reminisced about the days where you, Izzie and I were taking our shower together."

Meredith smiled at the thought of her old roommate. However, she could not quite remember the last time she and Izzie sat down for a chat, or the last time Izzie sent her a postcard. She was not even sure she knew for Derek. Should she have called? How would such a call go? "Hi, Izzie, it's Meredith. You know your old roommate in Seattle. I'm calling to tell you that Derek... Remember the guy who successfully cut out that massive brain tumor in your head... You know my husband who exchanged his dream wedding for a Post-it one with you and Alex, the guy we used to call McDreamy all the time... Well, he is dead. How are you doing? Do you have kids? I have three now." It wouldn't go too well, she thought.

Izzie left them plain cold, she broke Alex. She came back just to be a bitch again. She stepped on their friendship so many times as if it had never happened, she could not quite remember why they were friends for a start. Still, she could not help thinking of her as family. You did not always agree with each other, it sucked, but you were still family. She wondered if she was okay.

"That only happens in one of George's dreams. Book a hotel room, pervert. I have kids here."

Cristina laughed.

"What are you doing anyway? You're not seriously working out, are you?" Meredith frowned as she watched Cristina jumped up and down with dancehall and tri-pop in the background.

" Well, I am." 

"Why?" 

"Peer Pressure of course! Why else would I work out?" 

"You got a fever?" 

"I am surrounded with Cardio Gods with abs and perfectly healthy lifestyle. I gotta keep up if I don't want these guys to take over. Last time I was sick, I was not gone one day that I caught Droopy running my hospital."

"Droopy? One of the minions?"

"Yes. Insanely charming. Canadian and friendly. He makes me wanna puke." 

"So you subdued him..."

"Of course I did... He's Burke's leftovers. Actually, no. I got to give it to him, he is an insane cook. But he is terrible at poker and that's a sin." 

"You're adapting I see. Swimming with the sharks and all."

"You have no idea. I have principles, Meredith. A mantra even. Never let them see you sweat or bleed." Cristina said, wiping a face with a towel.

Meredith snickered.

"Sounds like you read a Chinese philosophical treaty about overtaking the world. Should I call Interpol? Sure you're okay? Because you will always have a position at the Grey Sloane?!"

"You can't afford me, Meredith. "

"Yes, owning a hospital is considered poverty these days. I will teach that to my children."

"Only owning parts of it should be with the only thing stacking on your desk being more bills. No need to flaunt."

Meredith glimpsed guiltily at the pile of mail she concealed on top of the shelf in the kitchen. Why her person gotta be so accurate all the time?

" And I was just trying to ignore Derek's lawyer who wants us to open the will… Now you tell me I actually need it!"

"Yup, you are cash-strapped, you poor thing. Don't lie to the poor kids."

"That hospital is also yours? Stop dissing. It ain't cute."

"Hence this very truthful comment… The management is bad."

"That was your ex-husband."

"Mer… Owen has tons of qualities. He is a good chief of surgery when his head is in the game… When he is present… When he is motivated... I heard he was on another tour last year. Trying to get oneself killed generally means you're not doing better. His head was definitely not in the game. Why is he not doing better, by the way?"

"Well, it's not like I was there either. Who am I to judge?"

"See? Sinking boat!"

"Okay, we may need a new chief and some new blood… but we will be fine. The Titanic is not sinking down. It's thriving. Still living in that one-bedroom rental?"

Cristina shrugged smugly.

"You know it."

"You're cheaper than Karev."

"It's easier to clean."

"Do you clean?"

"No, but if I wanted to… It's easier to clean. Claire is my messiah. She cleans, she cooks…then she goes home to pick up her grandchildren after school. This life I love."

"She's basically the best woman you've ever had."

"Yup. You can tell Callie. "

"I will. Alex will also be so disappointed."

Cristina smiled mischievously.

"He is still my favorite bitch. Don't tell him! Oh no! Tell him!"

The girls grinned deviously.

" You're fortunate to have her. I have Wendy, but it's not the same since, as you can see, I am cooking or, more precisely, I am trying to cook. And Alex is not here. He's going to sell me the house back. He bought a rundown loft in that part of town where we never go…with Jo. He's still coming home from time to time to take a shower since his new place is a flipping disaster."

"Who's his Jo?"

"Wilson. You know the intern? She was yours for a time. She is a resident now. "

"Oh, that, Jo?!"

"Yup, she is a grown-up now. She owns a shooting gallery in Goble-Evans Street. Real grown-up stuff! "

Meredith winked with mischief.

"You're so mean."

"I know. So who's the Jo? Your Jo?"

"I have a Jo?"

"I have a feeling you do."

"Your feelings are on point, Dr. Grey. Jo is someone that makes me see happy shining stars when I lie on my back."

Meredith laughed hard.

"Really?"

"I swear to god. He is that good."

"Can you send me a picture?"

"I can't."

"Why?"

"You're a widow now. You can easily steal my happy shining stars. I need all of them."

Meredith could not help the tremor in her hand. She bit her lips, still forcing her smile to her face. Cristina's face darkened in turn. She shook her head, ostensibly embarrassed.

"Too early. Sorry! That was dumb. That was such a dumb thing to say!"

"No, I'm good. I'm fine."

"No, you're not fine. You can't be fine, Mer. We are not fine. That was silly of me. Sometimes I pretend nothing bad ever happened to us. You know like we're living the life we're supposed to be living."

"With only happy shining stars? "

"Yes…"

Meredith sighed deeply.

" I think about it all the time. You know the happy shining stars? I see that Post-it because I had to bring it with me here. So I look at it… I see the children. I see Ellis…She's growing up so fast. I can't help it. I think about his arms on me that time. That last time…I think about it all the time. I never did see happy shining stars ever since. And...I honestly don't know if I ever will see them again. You?"

Cristina frowned.

"I'm doing better. Not better. But I'm better than all of you bitches, so that must count for something… It's silly. Thinking about Owen… after all this time… Pointless I might even add. But last time, Claire made me a peach pie. It was delicious. But all I could think of was that it was his favorite. It's probably still his favorite. Probably someone is making him peach pie as we speak."

"He was dating Amelia for a while."

Cristina froze.

"Huh? Amelia Shepherd?"

Meredith nodded with a grimace of discomfort.

"Since when?"

"It started last year…on and off…way before… You know? It did not work out. That's why I did not tell you sooner. That's why I'm telling you now."

Cristina put her forks down. She licked her lips.

"Well! Why? She's a good Shepherd. The second best. She's twisted like us. She's hardcore. Her last crazy surgery with Dr Hermann was awesome to watch. I had sex on this thing."

"I don't think they were serious. It's over now."

"He's such an idiot. They should make it work."

"Cristina…"

"Of course don't get me wrong, I will always love him Blahblahblah but… He's an idiot. She is baby-friendly, is she not?"

Meredith reluctantly nodded, even though she was really unsure what to answer. Sure Amelia liked children, but Meredith never had that deep a conversation with her. She just knew what Derek told her at one point. She saw their father being murdered at a very young age just like him. She was an ex-addict who once OD'ed in her teens. She lost an anencephalic baby and the love of her life. The list of misfortunes goes on...None of those things made her a particularly good candidate in the eyes of Meredith. She knew that type: The damaged type. She'd been one. Cristina had been one. Owen was not her favorite person in the world, but still, she wanted the best for him. He did not leave Cristina for even more complicated. That would be unfair. In this case, she'd much rather have things go back to normal with them. In which case, she'd get her best friend back at least. Yup, she was selfish like that.

"He could do worse, I tell you."

"Cristina…"

"I'm so going to cry this out later, preferably after a good orgasm."

"I'm going to cry too… probably…"

"Good, I wake you up at six (Seattle hours) just before bedtime for me, just before work for you. It seems a bit unfair. Is it okay for you?

"Well…"

"We will dance it out together, honey."

"We don't have to do that, you know?"

"Oh yes, we do! I mean, you're still my person. I'm sorry I can't fill that empty spot beside you. I really miss your snores, Mer."

Meredith laughed again.

"I really miss your grunts too. I will be okay, though. We will be… And I want a picture of Jo. He is a doctor, right?"

" Am I so predictable?"

"A bit. Cardio?"

Cristina searched through her phone an article on a European medical review written in French. It said that the world-renowned Dr. Joseph Simon Allenbach had just led a trial on a mechanical heart transplant with positive results. Every other person would have shown Meredith a candid picture of their new lover. Still, it seems fitting for Cristina that the most critical attributes she asked of her sex partners would be their drive and ambition to be the best surgeon.

"Yes, from Switzerland."

"They know how to hold a scalpel over there?"

"He was nominated last year for a Nobel Prize. Can't you read French? No, do you ever read?"

Cristina teased.

"Sorry, my French is a bit rusty." She lied.

She never learned french. In her twenties, she backpacked through Europe with Sadie and enjoy her time there. She had been in France, saw the Eiffel Tower. But mostly she did everything during her trip but learned the language.

"It's hot, right?"

Cristina grinned like the Cheshire cat.

"I'm not even surprised. Married?"

"Divorced. No children. Not interested in long-term commitments."

"He is McYummy."

"I know. I barely know what to do with all that."

"I feel for you. I barely have a social life."

"Then what are you doing tonight? You're cooking? You never cook. Your children know that. They acquired from a very early age, much-needed survival skills."

"Hey!"

"They love you still, Meredith."

" It's not for them. I invited the girls for dinner. It's been a long time since any of us had any social interactions whatsoever. I bet it will be more depressing than watching the reruns of E.R."

Cristina shook her head, clearly dejected. Did she actually watch the reruns of E.R., or was she just kidding? She could not ask that, though.

"What happened to the Grey Sloane Memorial?"

"The on-call rooms are empty all day long."

"You're making me cry. The new batch of interns?

"Ugly ducklings with bad genes. Did I tell you that one of the idiots took the collar on a patient on their first day?"

"007 much."

"The hot one, I think his name is Deluca, he was late on his first day, so he pretended to be a fellow. They're pretty much all licensed to kill!"

"There's a hot one?"

"Mildly hot only. "

"Let me guess he had pretty hair."

"He does."

" Pretty hair without a brain to go with it. Shame!"

Meredith nodded.

"April? April Kepner? She must be making necklaces out of flowers. She must be all rainbows and sunshine."

"Since she lost Samuel… and went all GI Jane in Irak…with Owen in tow… I might add… Not so much. She and Jackson are on a break. She is like Wonderwoman now. She takes no shit from anyone. I know she is in pain. I understand where she's coming from, but I can't help liking that version of her. I feel guilty as a result."

"Callie…"

"Ah…Let's not go there. She and Arizona are still sailing in different directions."

"Your new sister? What's her name?"

"Maggie. She's okay. Her parents are divorcing."

"She's celebrating?"

"No, she's not a twisted sister. She's pure like Bambi. She was born in that happy shining place with loving parents that failed to make her understand how life could suck in so many different ways all the time."

"She must have been shocked to be your sister."

"I consider that for her, it may have a blessing in disguise. We are still working it out. I hope my children will never have to go through what she is going through."

"Not a chance. Their beloved dad is dead. They are already well aware that life sucks."

Meredith took a sharp intake of breath. She forced another fake smile on a face. Cristina was not duped at all but preferred to change the subject.

"I'm relieved."

"So girls night-in…"

"Misery loves company. "

"And the kids?"

"They fell asleep in front of Frozen. It's Zola's favorite. She keeps asking to watch it over and over again. I hate every minute of that movie."

"I liked it."

"You watched Frozen?"

"Last year… with Zola…"

" You watched Frozen? Pardon my skepticism."

"Remember the wake?"

"Yup, barely… Alex could not find you… I think I was barely conscious. I hit the tequila hard that night, and Mama Shepherd had to tuck me in."

" I feel guilty for that somehow. I was hiding."

"What?"

" I was so ashamed. I kept crying and that princess Elsa, she kept singing to let it go…and let it go, I did. I told Zola that Aunty was on medication, and that was our little secret. I'm so sorry. I feel like I was not there for you. But I was so emotional, Mer. I did not want you to see me like this. You know when I'm useless… I was useless."

Meredith leaned closer to the screen.

"It's okay, you're my useless person who likes Frozen and dates a Nobel Prize nominee! Maybe he has a brother who cured cancer? Or better, maybe he will create his own clones so that every woman in the world takes advantage of his greatness? God knows I could use some of that! "

"You're so mean. I will never tell you anything again."

"I'm just jealous. I thought I told you. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, I wish you some awesome gory surgeries and some great sex, Princess Cristina. At least, have fun for the rest of us."

Cristina let out a deep laugh before disconnecting the call.


	3. Life truly sucks for those who commit

Alex Karev started life with a few shortcomings. Sure, his family was the textbook definition of dysfunctional. He'd been attracting "crazy" chicks on a daily basis for more than ten years. It even came to the point where his terminally ill ex-wife had cheated on him with the ghost of her ex-fiancé. Alex's life positively sucked in every way possible. He got shot three times. He lost his ex-girlfriend to a plane crash. His other ex-girlfriend was in a mental institution. His best friends were another bunch of crazy chicks with issues. You could say he had his basket filled pretty early. But Alex was a survivor and he survived many earthquakes. When life gave him bitter lemons he made awesome lemonade with it. He turned his life around far from Iowa, far from the mental illnesses that plagued his entire family, far from his junkie of a father who abandoned him and far from the love of his life who trampled what was left of his heart as soon as she got another lucky shot at life. Alex worked his ass off to be a better surgeon. He worked his ass off to be a better friend. He worked his ass off to be the best boyfriend a beautiful girl like Jo could ever have. He bought a house. He settled down. He grew roots where he was standing. He was an Attending now. So, this was probably nothing he could not do. Buying a loft. Well, he totally could do that. But why did it have to be this Loft?

"Crap! What a piece of crap!"

From the streets, it looked like any other buildings in the neighborhood, ancient, dusty, and covered in graffiti. The realtor told them that in the seventies there was a famous Italian restaurant on the ground floor and the duplex apartment on the first floor was the home of the owner. But then another owner had the great idea to tear the walls down to transform the famous restaurant in this spacious UFO, this unidentified object of misery. And that person must have quit halfway through because it's been left in shambles ever since. The realtor even added very enthusiastically that it was the kind of building who would probably get an architecture major excited. Alex thought that he may not have had the memo that they were no architecture major at all, just surgeons who mostly did not have time for lunch and who needed to sleep at night somewhere not contaminated by fungus and mold. Ask Bailey! As far as Alex was concerned, this was close to how he pictured Hell in his mind. That was how he pictured his life if he ever started to walk in his father's footsteps. It was a succession of pointless grayish-brown walls with heavy rustic doors that made you dizzy trying to navigate the space, vintage wallpapers that make you depressed before going to bed, and stinking toilets grabbing your nose in the morning making you ready to vomit your breakfast. One of the walls had bullet holes in it though Jo insisted that they were just plain holes. But he just knew bullet holes when he saw them. He was from Iowa, not Minnesota. The Kitchen door also had some bullet holes in it. It could not mean anything good. Every step he made on the broken tiles creaked delightfully in the dim-lit living room. Somehow the kitchen was even more disastrous than any other part of the house and that was saying something. The tap was broken. The air inside was different. Alex could not quite put a finger on it exactly. Last Saturday, he moved all the old cabinets to the garbage dump outside. But the mold smell was still very present. It looked haunted. It smelled haunted. Amityville haunted. He was startled out of his nightmare by the arrival of Jo.

"You need something?"

"Water?" He grunted.

"I thought there were a few bottles left."

"There is not any…"

"Sorry, I knew I forgot something. I will go grocery shopping tomorrow."

"We don't have a fridge."

"No big deal, it's supposed to arrive next week."

"We don't have a kitchen."

He could not really help it. Something in him just snapped. He could not make this work. No amount of positive visualizing could turn this dump into a palace.

"Alex… I know it's not ideal, but we agree to give it a try."

Alex shrugged.

"Whatever I'm going back to work…"

"But you just came back…"

"What do you want me to do? There's nothing to do here! "

He sighed. She inhaled sharply. The oxygen was suddenly quite rare.

"We could order a pizza. We could spend time together. We can start painting the living room. Since we have the landline fixed, we could watch a movie. We could do anything fun for a change. We have options."

"In that part of town… They will never come."

"Is that you giving this a try?"

"Fine, let's order a pizza. I'm going to change."

"What's your problem?"

"I have no problem."

"Oh yes, I'm just imagining this right. You barely ever talk to me anymore. Sex is off the table… We barely see each other at all. When you're not at work, you're at Meredith's."

"That's still my house."

"Only technically… She's your tenant now. What you're doing should be illegal… Argh! Alex!"

"Listen, everything I do these days is never enough. I'm starting to think you're the one with the problem."

Fine, he could admit it to himself. He was not trying too hard. He was no longer even trying. He was just fed up. Fed up with the way she wanted to control every fucking part of his life. Fed up of the fucking poor living arrangements. Fed up of looking at her treating their problems like they were nothing like they consciously signed for a season of Urban Survivor. After twenty-two days of living like a bum, Alex was really not trying anymore.

Jo looked at him, eyes full of tears. He was an asshole because even that could not pacify him. It always came to this. The brunette shook her head, disappointed. All his ex-girlfriend always looked at him with this disappointed expression at some point in their relationship. He thought about it a lot, especially after Izzie, it was probably the very moment where they started to realize, that he was worth nothing, that his ungrateful ass will always find a way to mess things up, that he will disappoint them whatever he did. It was always the sign of the beginning of the end.

"I can't have another argument with you. I can't do that. "

"Then don't!"

She crossed her arms, staring him down.

"You want to be an asshole. Fine! I'm going back to work!"

"Have fun."

Alex stood there probably longer than he should, definitely longer than was necessary, probably looking like a fool, definitely feeling like one. He heard her shutting the door hard on her way out. He remembered feeling suddenly exhausted and hungry. He really did not need this. He could deal with crazy chicks and ghostly boyfriends. But when his first decent girlfriend in a while wanted to buy a house together, he could not help but bail on her. That was so messed up. Alex grabbed his car keys and his coat. Before long, he was standing in front of a familiar door. He did not knock, just put his keys in, and let himself in.

"Hey, do you know the meaning of a girl's night in?" Callie immediately called out.

She was holding a cocktail in one hand and the DVD of a Kate Hudson's movie in another. It had been Izzie's. "How to lose a guy in ten days" or some other crap like that, the strange irony was that it just seemed like the kind of thing Jo would need at this moment. A manual left by his ex-wife to know how to dump his sorry ass in the trash. He was such a jerk.

"Whatever… Mer… Upstairs… Now…"

April and Callie kept stuffing their faces with pizza without blinking. Meredith offered an apologetic look to her guests. She was unsure what brought this mood in Alex all of a sudden. It could not be anything good. Still, she followed him upstairs obediently. They barely made it to the top of the stairs that she decided to break the ice.

"What's wrong?"

"Where's Arizona?"

"She's staying at Callie's, spending time with Sofia."

"Okay…"

He took off his coat and his boots with a sigh. He pushed the door of the master bedroom. Half of his stuff was still in boxes in the dressing room. Did he really try that hard?

"Alex?"

"I can't do this. It's freaking too much! Some peace is that too much to ask?"

On cue, Ellis started crying because just like her grandmother, she hated being disturbed by inferior people with their petty silly superficial problems.

"Sorry, she's not… sleeping very well these days. I did not know you were coming back tonight. "

Alex shrugged and spontaneously picked up Ellis in the crib by her mother's bed before she could wake up her brother and sister.

"It's not that… Her… Mer…"

Meredith grabbed a toy and helplessly pushed it in front of her daughter's face. Ellis could be quite hard-headed when she wanted. Fortunately, it seemed to do the trick after a while. In the arms of Uncle Alex, the little one quieted down almost immediately. It seemed he had some charms left.

"You had a fight with Jo…"

"I was being a total jerk to her… She was right of course! But I freaking hate this place!"

"Then tell her…"

"I can tell she loves it. She's freaking happy over there. It's all Boho fun for her. I'm so freaking miserable all the time. Did you know what the real estate agent called our neighborhood? "Newly gentrified"? Are you kidding me?"

"It will be alright."

"Not a chance. I thought you coming back would be the end of my problems."

Meredith pursed her lips in a mock glare.

"I won't tell Cristina you're turning into a girl."

"I freakin' hate you both."

Meredith snickered only harder.

"Alex, you can stay. You will always be home, here, you know. Do you want me to bring you a plate? I made these horrible nachos that taste like something out of a western movie. I also have little fried chicken wings that you can dip in various sauces. And I got raw vegetables chopped in square… To stay healthy and set good examples for the kids. It comes complete with a homemade French vinaigrette that has a slight English taste, and of course, I have pizza and beers, the main course. Wanna join?"

" For Chicks Talk Tuesday? No Thank you!"

"Don't be snotty! You're miserable. We're just being miserable together. There's no shame in that."

"She's gonna dump me, Mer. »

« I'd dumped you too if I was her. She bought an empty haunted building for you."

"That's not comforting."

"It's Miserable Tuesday. I never said we comforted anybody. Life sucks. Get over it on your own."

"Did you Facetime with Cristina again?"

Meredith nodded with a mischievous wink.

"She boosted my dark inner batteries."

"No kidding."

"She's met someone, should I tell Owen?"

"You should stay out of this."

"But he is not dating Amelia… maybe…"

"There is no maybe… There is just you having "Misery loves Company" parties!"

"What? I told her about them. Was it a mistake?"

Alex sighed.

"You said there was beer at your party?"

"Yup."

"I need some."


	4. The hassle of youth

Josephine Wilson was already drained of all-natural essences of youth when she entered the resident locker room. She was relieved to see Stephanie studying in one of the couch, her legs hanging on its arm. Tonight had just been a succession of one failure after the other. Earlier, she was in surgery with Amelia and they lost a patient. Then she had this massive fight with Alex over the house she bought for him in a gesture of love and she could admit it now in a moment of temporary insanity. Life was too cruel for the young and the brave. She just needed someone to vent to. Who could be a better choice than the best listener in the world, her friend Stephanie?

"What's wrong? I thought you were not on call."

"Alex is a jerk."

"Oh, nothing new then!"

Stephanie said, her eyes never leaving the screen of her tablet. Okay, maybe not the best listener. Jo changed quickly in her scrubs.

"I just can't do this anymore."

"I know."

"And you?"

"I'm hiding."

"From?"

"Life. Catherine Avery. Our ducklings."

Well, Jo frowned. She could do nothing against Life. But Catherine Avery, why not? She did not seem so intimidating since her wedding with Chief Webber.

"Catherine Avery?"

"She paged me."

"And?"

Stephanie flashed her an annoyed glare. Jo raised her hands as an apology. She failed to see how Catherine's paging could be a problem for Stephanie.

"She only remembers I exist when Jackson needs a rebound. Jackson and April separated but I want nothing to do with them. Nope, I don't need any Avery drama."

"And the ducklings?"

"Our interns… They are brain dead idiots."

"You want to talk about it."

" Nope."

"Stephanie…"

Stephanie sighed.

" Shepherd is shutting me out again. She is too busy being a superhero to be my teacher."

" She is more of a supervillain these days, trust me. Her patients kept dying. Annoying."

" Nothing new. She insists on taking hopeless cases."

Jo shrugged and shut down her locker with one shoulder. Stephanie nodded absent-mindedly. Jo frowned slightly. She just noticed. Stephanie was wearing her glasses and her hair was gathered in a messy ponytail. She looked like... She looked like Stephanie.

"You're in your dweeb clothes. Why are you in your dweeb disguise?"

" You just noticed? I resigned from life a week ago."

"Really?"

She nodded.

"What are you reading? A case?"

"A medical mystery..."

"What is that?"

"You know it's a strange medical case, doctors can or cannot explain and…"

"I got it. You've invested back in the dork culture."

"Laugh all you want but these kinds of stuff are written by great surgeons. Since no one in this stupid teaching hospital actually wants to teach. I'm left to my own device."

"You don't want to teach yourself."

"Whose side are you on again?"

" Let's change the topic."

"Fine."

" Back to Alex! So I thought I had better things to do than spend the night arguing with him again. It will be what, the third time this week? I'm going to the pit. See if I can be useful!"

"Did you not log all your hours for today?"

"I will ask for a bit of latitude, your honor. I just need a couple of hours in the pit to just get this out of my mind. "

"You guys should have sex and get over whatever differences you have."

"I know. He is never in the mood. Why life sucks so much when you think you got it all together?"

"Can't answer that. Never been in that situation. Life sucks all the time for me. " Stephanie muttered.

The door opened and Catherine Avery came in. Startled, Stephanie almost dropped her tablet on the floor while she got up briskly.

"Wilson? Edwards?" She greeted abruptly.

"Hi! Doctor Avery."

She looked at Jo sharply, then frowned.

"Hi! Doctor Avery… Avery-Webber."

She smiled in Stephanie's direction.

"Are you two on call? I only saw two names on the board and one of them was not yours, Wilson."

"No, madam, just me. I'm on a 22-hour shift."

"I'm just trying to help… and learn. I 'm trying to learn things." Jo said.

"Just don't kill any patient."

"Will do, madam. I mean… will not do."

Catherine dismissed her with a nod. Wilson left just as quickly.

" I need someone to do me a favor. Are you on a major case, Edwards? I think I saw your interns wandering the hallways aimlessly."

"They are? Well… It's because… Well, I'm not on a major case. There is no emergency surgical case anyway, as of now."

"Great news! See, I'm going home for tonight with Chief Webber. But tomorrow first hours I will need someone to assist me and Chief Webber in a very delicate matter. It is sensitive information in nature, so I will ask that it stayed between us. You see I have a very important guest, one who can definitely change things around here… and I need an experienced doctor, a promising one to show him around and just be there for him."

Stephanie's smile was crisp and quite unnatural. It sounded like a trap. It smelled like a trap. Catherine smiled back at her and touched her arm softly. It was definitely a trap.

"Of course… I will gladly help in any way I can."

"I thought so. You are so wonderful, Stephanie."

She gave her a file.

"These are just a few things I think you need to know about him. The last pages are a few notes and observations by me. I hope it will be very helpful. This is a couple of things you are not allowed to tell our guest under any circumstances. Use only positive vocabulary. He is a keen observer. He will notice immediately if you're anxious. I hope you don't have sweaty hands. He is also very particular about that. We don't want that, you see. We want to show him a good time. "

"I understand. I think I can handle it."

Catherine nodded contentedly.

"I am counting on you. There will be a reward for you at the end of all this."

It was Stephanie's turn to smile wide.

"I thank you for the trust you have in me."

Chief Webber's wife was almost by the door when she spun around.

"Edwards, don't sleep with the man."

Edwards stood speechless. She looked at the file in her hands worriedly.

Jo pushed the elevator's command anxiously.

"Dr. Wilson, can we follow you tonight and help?

One of Stephanie's interns asked her. Jo remembered she was the chatty one, the one who interrupted Webber. She decided to tease them anyway.

"Who are you?"

"Interns. You interns?"

"I can see that… But whose exactly?"

"Dr Edwards…"

"See, not my problem…"

She turned to leave. Shaw exploded then.

"But we have nothing to do… She said to just… wait for her… It's been hours. She said not to do or touch anything but we will never learn anything like this. "

" Okay, your name…"

"Dr Wilson, we made rounds with you yesterday."

Jo gave her an impatient look.

"I'm Shaw. This is Douglas and Abernathy. " She pointed at a dark-haired boy and a blonde.

" Follow me… but don't do anything stupid. I have no patience for jerk behavior tonight."

They all got into the elevator. As the door was closing, one hand blocked the door.

" Sorry, I just… I'm with you."

" Great, the liar. What did I say about jerk moves?"

"I'm Andrew Deluca." He held out a hand in front of him amiably. Jo frowned angrily.

" Shut up and get in."

Amelia was covering the pit even though Owen was the attending on call. He was currently working on a trauma, a victim of a car crash. There was no other surgical case and she simply did not feel like going home. Which home anyway? She did not have anything like that anymore. Not since Derek passed on. Not since it became Meredith's home. It's not like Meredith and Amelia had been best buddies before that. Meredith had her own crew, members of her own fan club. She just did not feel like tagging along. Grabbing her own neck, she felt a soreness spread in her back. She spent so much time on her last patient for no results. She had been his last hope anyway. So it's not like her lack of competences killed him or whatever. He was dying. She was his last hope. She just was not Derek's level… yet. Was that it?

" Hey, still here?"

Owen stopped next to her as he filled a chart for his patient.

"Your patient?"

"In ICU, I managed to stop the bleeding. It was not too severe. He is stable."

Amelia nodded. Of course, he managed to save his patient. Owen was a skilled surgeon, a passionate one, one meticulous to a fault. He did not quit when the case, simply got impossible to solve. He did the impossible because he never forgot the patient was someone's family. If only… If only Derek had the same kind of luck his patient had...

Owen looked at her with a smile.

"You looked exhausted? Rough day?"

Exhausted? No. Aged? Yes. She felt a hundred years older. She simply nodded as he laid his hand on her back, moving it in slow circles.

"See if an on-call room is free."

She appreciated that he did not immediately suggest that she go home. An air of comprehension passed between them. It seemed as if he understood that she had nowhere to go.

"Owen."

"Go rest, you deserve it."

His voice was so warm. She grabbed his hand before it could go anywhere else… before he could take it back. He seemed surprised. Amelia let go. They could never be anything for each other. She reminded herself. She watched his hand freeze on her shoulder for a minute before it retreated in his coat's pocket.

"You're right… as always."

She made her way slowly out of the pit. Crossing paths with Jo and her little group of students, she waited patiently until they vacated the elevator.

"That's Brain Killer," Shaw whispered in Douglas's ears.

Jo flashed Shaw her death glare. But unaware they could be heard, these two just kept talking.

"Harsh. Why they call her that?" Douglas asked.

"It's self-explanatory."

Shaw finally looked up in time to face Amelia. Amelia snickered condescendingly.

"I'm surprised you guys learned the definition of words like self-explanatory. Did you teach them, Wilson?"

"Not mine. I don't know them."

"Wake me up when you or Edwards make little surgeons out of them?"

"Don't wait for it," Wilson answered.

"Dr. Wilson? Dr. Wilson? Here?"

Amelia and Jo spun around at the same time to see Deluca alias "Mildly hot" holding up an older woman who was vomiting blood on the floor. Amelia smiled as she entered the elevator.

"There may be hope yet," Amelia said as Jo nodded.

Their eyes sparkled with interests as Deluca swiftly lifted the woman and carried her to a gurney.

"Hope. That's it. See, that's a future something. Take a good look, you two. You want to look like him. Where's Blondie?"


	5. The sisterhood of the dirty hospital scrubs

Maggie Pierce knew she was quite late when she knocked on her sister's door. She took another quick look at her watch as she waited for the door to open. Fumbling with the sleeve of her cardigan, she worried over what to say in order to apologize. She also worried over what not to say. She was late and it did not sit well with her. When Meredith invited her to a little get-together after work this morning she'd been absolutely ecstatic at the simple prospect of getting out of her apartment. Then a bunch of things happened… and it was almost impossible to actually leave the apartment.

Don't get it wrong! She loves that place. Although it was far less exceptional than she thought it was when she visited it the first time. It had an awesome view of the marina and city skyline by night. However she'd been told by the real estate agent that it was a very peaceful neighborhood when in fact there were five restaurants and a bar that seemed open 24/7 just in her streets. Finding a place to park was always a pain in the ass. Her underground parking lot was closed since the inundations from that last Superstorm. So circling the block at least twice to find a parking spot was mandatory.

But her flat was nice and cozy. It had one bedroom and another room she vowed to transform into a study of some sorts someday. She could see herself paint, write in it, do a few DIY projects, just do something really artistic with it on weekends. When she came to live in Seattle almost a year ago, she was convinced she'd be in dangerous need of some kind of hobby to pass the time.

But these past few months she had had no free time to speak of. In between secrets, reveals, terrible dates, traumas, deaths and weddings, she never had a moment to herself. She never even had time to work on her artistic side to even see if she had any. She was just busy getting in the pace of the Grey-Sloane Memorial. She went for coffee with Amelia. She went shopping a couple of times with Callie and Sofia. She had dinner with Richard once. She spent thanksgivings with Alex and Jackson. For Christmas, they also did something in Alex's house. In between those events, she went out a few times with Alex, mostly for drinks at the Emerald bar. He had been a rock in a tumultuous time. He had been amazingly kind to her. He took her under his wings when Meredith just left abruptly.

Amelia… was… Amelia was just a ticking bomb waiting to pop really. Maggie was almost scared of her certain days. She could not really blame her friend. There was no pressure she knew like losing someone close. It was not even like she knew anything about it. Even her adoptive grandparents were still alive on both sides. So it was not like she had a lot of experience with these things. She just imagined it would be the most painful. In fact, she just did not know what to say to Amelia. They were friends but she did not know much about her. Furthermore, she could not talk to her or ask the question that matters. She could not ask about Meredith's grief for example, about its unusual form. Meredith and Amelia seemed at odds for a few months now. It seemed like they never like each other a lot, to begin with. So well, talking about that and Derek's death was off-limit even though it was so important.

Alex was different. She actually found his presence quite soothing. He was Meredith's best friend, quite reliable and self-sufficient. They would simply sit over a drink and say nothing. Or sometimes Alex would say something about her… About them when they were just interns... It would be the start of a conversation. He would try to explain to her the complexities that made Meredith Grey, well Meredith Grey. It was easy to admit now that she appreciated this time without a sister. She needed it. It was not like this relationship with Meredith started off right from the start. It had its share of messy. She still recalls in shame accusing Meredith of cheating on her husband. Talk about prejudices! That was why she was unsure she could have helped Meredith when her life completely went to hell. Maggie had just met Derek. All she could say was how amazing a brother-in-law he had been for the short time they've known each other! How he made her feel part of his family instantly! How he tried to help her mend the relationship with Meredith! How cute he and Meredith looked together! How she totally could believe he died saving people! How awful and unfair it was that he had to go that way?! What else could she say?

Nothing.

Someday she woke up feeling ten years younger and someday she woke up feeling ten years older. The time she spent with Meredith's friends was like pledge time in a sorority. It was not always easy. But at the end, it felt necessary. Like a pledge she accomplished various tasks allowing her to get slowly more involved in the inner circle.

Like that time Alex called her because he got so drunk and trashed over that thanksgiving phone call with Meredith he did not find his car keys and needed a ride home from the Emerald city bar. She had tried to call Jo. But she was in surgery with Torres and could not leave. So she took him home and fed him macaroni and cheese, the only recipe she ever mastered. Then he basically emptied his heart to her. He told her how he felt responsible for Meredith's disappearance because Cristina, as in Dr. Yang, Meredith's best friend, had left him in charge. How dare she left him in charge knowing how messed up he was?! He screamed at her. She remembered nodding in indignation with him though she did not understand anything at the time. He told her Meredith and Cristina were two of the most self-centered people walking this earth. That, Maggie, could easily believe him. The twisted sisters, he called them as he munched on his third bowl of mac and cheese. Then he sobbed. They were like the sisters he'd never asked for. They were his only family and they were gone and that was unacceptable. She remembered wanting to cry for no reason as it resonated deep within her. She remembered asking herself what happened to him. Then he kept talking through the nights, telling her things he had not told Jo because she hated Meredith, the fact that he felt abandoned by Meredith, the fact that he felt grief too over Derek's death, the fact that he had nightmares about it. He talked to her about Izzie, his ex-wife… and Ava…a patient he dated and how both had left his heart a no man's land. She just listened even when he was just snoring and then she went home.

Somehow it helped her gain a better understanding of Meredith. Certainly, she did not understand the person who just left with her kids in the middle of the night. She did not understand the person who would never give her own best friends any updates on her whereabouts or welfare, letting them worry for months without a care. That Meredith, so cold and abrasive and selfish, well she still had trouble with. But the Meredith who supported her friends and created this family of sorts, she was in awe with. She read her mother's journal, she knew more about Ellis and she realized it must not have been easy to walk in the shoes of one Meredith Grey.

Before Seattle, Maggie was never late. In her childhood, her parents always made sure to drop her early to any events, be it social or school-related, in the hopes she will hold onto this habit growing up. They strongly believed that being early open the doors for success, they were conformists and traditionalists, and Maggie, being the golden child that she was, vowed to never be late as to not disappoint them. Well, it worked. She managed to become a surgeon who got sidetracked by a chest MRI on a last-minute trauma, got stuck in the traffic jam, took an awful amount of time deciding what to wear, and subsequently got late.

The last thing was silly in itself really since she was not meeting with anyone new. It was just a little gathering between friends after work. It was nothing fancy. Her sister had just invited her for a drink. How cool was that? That she had a sister now. She was getting used to it. Having a sister had a nice ring to it. Meredith was not very fancy. Despite the first impression she had of her in the beginning, she was a pretty down to earth person, incredibly strong and secure. Those sides of her made her quite endearing.

And Meredith had her own people, people who really care for her, people who would do anything for her. She never had people like that. Sure her parents love her. She had colleagues and a few friends in college and med school, science nerds like her. Her best friend, Dorothy, suffers acute agoraphobia and never leaves her condo in Downtown Boston as a result. She was an IT Tech now. Her other best friend Beth she met in Harvard Medical school had left the program halfway through realizing she hated the sight of a trauma and the pressure that comes with every intervention. She turned to research but then when that did not work out she took a teaching position in a high school. She married a dentist. They had a kid last year. They were mostly uneventful people and nothing bad ever happen to them, fortunately. Only once she had to consult on Beth's grandma's case. After a brief clash with her old cardiologist, she took her grandma to surgery and now she was living a happy life in a retirement home in the countryside.

What happened to Meredith in the span of fifteen years or so that was crazy!? That was the sort of thing you only see on TV. To think she had a sister with a life like that… It was quite a dizzying thought. And Ellis… Ellis was a two-time Harper Avery recipient who had an affair with a black married man at a time when she'd risk everything by doing so. Was Ellis like Meredith? More precisely did Meredith take after her? Even more precisely did Maggie take after her biological mother? For her adoptive parents, she was a prodigy. In the world of the Greys, she was pretty boring. She didn't quite know what to do about that.

As she was grabbing her car keys, a ringtone echoed in the silent apartment and she was for a moment tempted to leave it that way since she knew that ringtone well.

"Hello, Mom."

"You don't answer any of my calls, Margareth. What is wrong with you? Do you know how worried I am?"

"I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Mom."

"I know that but that does not mean I will stop worrying."

"You don't get to do that. I am an adult now. You can speak to me as a grown woman."

"Don't be ridiculous, sweetie! You're angry. I get it, Margareth. You went on this search for your biological family and you did not tell us anything. It was not easy for you."

"It's not that."

"What is it then?"

"You're divorcing Dad!"

"Your dad is divorcing me! It's not the other way around."

"You cheated on him for eleven years. With the mechanic… I used to call him Uncle Allen."

"You cannot understand this. It's more complicated than you think."

"Why? Because I am supposed to be perfect?! I have a flash for you I am not perfect, Mom!"

"What are you saying? Of course, you are! You are our perfect little gift! And despite our differences, your father and I, we love you so much! We are so proud of you!"

"It's not about that."

"Then what is it?"

"You're not listening to me. You're doing what you want… like always…what is good for you. That's not fair."

"I know it is going to be hard for you but we can get through this…together… as a family."

"Stop it! There is no family!"

"Maggie, come on!"

"Stop! Just stop! You know I don't have a problem! My life is fine. You get to do whatever you want. That is your marriage, not mine! If you want to give up on it, fine! That's on you! Stop making it about me!"

"But it is also about you! We want to make sure you know how much we love you and nothing will change that."

"But everything has changed. You and Dad are not together anymore. My biological mother died of Alzheimer and she was an amazing surgeon. My biological father who's still a perfect stranger to me just got married. I discovered I had a sister and she just lost her husband. Things changed. Life is truly messed up, Mom. I am not perfect. Ok?"

"OK! I can come to see you. We can talk this through. I can meet your sister."

"Oh no! I certainly don't need this!"

"But I want to be part of your life! I made a mistake but I don't want it to affect our relationship. I'm free two weeks from now. That's it! Maggie Baby, I will make reservations tomorrow. I will come… We can spend the weekend together. We can have so much fun like we used to. We can fix this!"

"I don't want you to come, Mom! I don't want to talk to you! I am so angry at you for doing this to us!"

"Maggie!"

"I can't deal with you…right now. Please, next time I will call you back!"

That was it. When she looked at the clock, it was already way past ten. She was late.

"Am I late?"

She asked again, holding a bottle of whiskey with both hands as a peace offering. She found it in an unopened box in the kitchen. It was an expensive bottle but she did not drink that much. She never acquired much of a taste for whiskey. Someone gave it to her after a particularly difficult surgery. She did not remember who exactly and it really did not matter right now. She just did not feel like coming empty-handed. Callie gladly took the gift and filled her empty glass with it. She put the bottle back on the table, knocking it hard.

"No, Amelia won't even make it. She had an emergency. "

"I'm sorry. I'm never late usually."

"You're not late! Come and sit down."

April said strangely annoyed by someone else's goofiness. She held her empty glass in front of Callie, waiting for a refill. It came at the right time since she was quite tired of beers. Callie went to find some ice in the kitchen and came back with a bottle of diet coke.

"My mom. She was on the phone threatening to come to Seattle to see me."

"That's nice." Callie said.

"I said threatening. That's not cool at all."

Callie shook her head.

"All parents do this…"

"No, I'm sure they don't."

"My father loves to drop everything important just to come by and rock my world with parental advising. Last time, I think he brought our priest and the bible."

"Oh! My mom… Jackson's mom… They're always just trying to help. They never succeed. Now I'm without a husband and they're still trying to help!" April moaned in frustration.

"Okay."

Maggie dropped her bag on the floor and sat on the sofa. It seemed she joined the perfect choir. Callie got her a nice glass of whisky. She frowned. She probably needed soda to go with all that but there was no soda in plain view and the host was nowhere in sight. She bit her lips nervously. She could see the disaster coming.

"The sweetest must have been George's parents. They were truly awesome people. You'd like them!"

April nodded.

"Too bad I never met them."

"His mother was a sweetheart. His dad had the patience of a saint. He was so funny too. Poor woman! She was truly adorable! I still send her cards and flowers from time to time."

"George?" Maggie asked taking a sip of whisky.

"My first husband… George."

"Oh!"

"We all worked together. It was like a big giant…"

"Family? Yes…Yes…" Maggie ventured.

"I was going for soap-opera but whatever works for you."

"That's… I think you told me about him. Where is he now? I mean you're divorced right? "

"Yes, we are but he is dead."

"Oh no, of course I knew… You told me he died in the plane crash…I'm so stupid. So many people died there. It's so sad."

"No that was Sofia's father, my best friend, Dr Marc Sloane. No, George… O'Malley, my first spouse, was a resident when he got hit by a bus trying to save a stranger's life."

"O-k…"

Maggie's face crunched up in deep concentration. Callie started to laugh harder.

"I know it sounds awful. It was awful! Truly awful! Listen Maggie, this hospital… I don't know how to say this… a lot of people died for this hospital…in this hospital… There was a shooting. There was a bombing… and a plane crash…A storm… I know it does not make much sense."

"Even when you live through it all, it does not make much sense. Nope! " April added, sipping on her glass. I think there was a car that crashed the ER at one point…And a big lion mauled a patient!"

"Oh yes, I forgot about that. That was crazy. What I mean to say, Maggie, is… I guess that now that we've got you on a contract, you're Meredith's sister and all that, you're officially one of us and we can now truly paint a different picture than the one in the initial brochure. We lost a lot of friends and colleagues… A lot of people left too… It's just life I guess… But we also save many lives! Those lives are the most important! Welcome to Grey-Sloane Memorial!"

April and Callie raised their glasses in mock solemnity. Maggie nodded.

"Thank you! I'm very touched. "

It was the moment Alex and Meredith choose to reappear.

"What did we miss?"

"I was inducted into the secret society…of the Grey-Sloane Memorial."

"Oh it's okay! No induction is complete until you have sex with Alex!" Meredith joked.

They laughed. Maggie almost spilled her whisky on April who could not suppress her laughter.

"What?"

"What are you talking about, you crazy bitches?! "

"We were talking about that time where you infected all the hospital with Syphilis."

"Oh I did not know about this one… That's just great!" April said.

"Sweet time, that was. Oh to be young again! "

"You even gave it to George! You devil! "

"He did what? Your first husband George? "

"Hey, nothing happened all right! We just banged the same chick. It was an honest mistake."

Maggie was wide-eyed with horror.

"That's just nasty! "

"That's Alex for you!" Meredith concluded.

Callie nodded with a grimace.

"Ew…McNasty…"

"Excuse me I recall someone boning Marc Sloane so hard they broke his penis!"

Callie shrugged.

"That was not me that was a Grey, Meredith's sister."

"That was Lexie, Alex! Your ex-girlfriend Lexie! Did she ever break yours?"

"Ha! Ha! Very funny! Nevermind I recall stuff on both of you. Even you April?"

"Me?"

April played the innocent card. But Alex was having none of it.

"Someone got awfully excited and tried to rape me once."

" That's not what happened! You were such a jerk about it."

"Aren't you glad I was not your first?"

"There's a story there I can tell." Maggie chimed in, laughing.

"Give me that bottle of whiskey, Callie."

"You pissed off a lot of people, Karev. The nurses hated you at some point." Callie said.

Alex crawled on the floor next to Meredith. Maggie searched his face in vain but he gave no signs of outrage. It was like the picture they just painted of him was true to life. Maggie turned to Meredith.

"To be fair, they hated Mark even more. They did go on strike on his behalf."

"What's your most embarrassing memory, Mer? "

"Having my frilly underwear pinned on the board comes to mind. You Callie?"

"Having Weber discovering I lived in the basement of the Seattle Grace Memorial."

"I wished I'd seen his face."

"It was priceless. You know I hated you back then."

"I don't get why, really? I was generally awesome. "Meredith said.

" You were a Grey…and a pint-sized bully."

Meredith snickered at that.

"You wanted to beat me up."

"I did. You"

"I didn't stand a chance. Ask Cristina."

" Everything always looked so easy to you back to the Merger," April said.

"That's not true!"

"You dated McDreamy!"

"You were married to McDreamy!" Callie and April said at the same time.

"McDreamy?"

"That was Derek's nickname. He was married when I first met him. He was an attending...with perfect hair. I was just an intern. It was supposed to be a one-night-stand. Things went awfully downhill from there..."

" How…"

"You can say it Maggie! How slutty of her!" April said.

"No, I was going for how hot, Dreamy and Romantic was that?! You had an affair with a married man but somehow he chose you. You got married! You loved each other very much until the…very end. That's so… Romantic," Maggie started fascinated, and also quite a bit drunk. "Please tell me, there were no children involved right?"

Meredith forced a smile on her lips.

"Yes. No. No children. Well if that could help, his wife at that time, Addison, had cheated on him too with his best friend, Mark Sloane."

"Your Mark Sloane?"

"Yes. However, it's fair to say, Mark alias McSteamy was pretty much everybody's Mark Sloane. If you'd seen the man, you'd understand. "

"And Addison Montgomery ? Is it the ob-Gyn. She is very good in her field. I read articles about her."

"She is. I think she was there for the funeral. We talked a little bit yet I can't remember what was said. You probably saw her too, Callie."

"She's remarried now, Mer. Her new husband is the definition of "sizzling hot". She also has a cute baby boy. "

"What's his name? "

"The boy?"

"The cute husband!" April retorted back.

"I love you new April!" Meredith said while suckling on her little cocktail umbrella.

Alex was eating a pizza all by himself. It was quite entertaining to say the least. Chicks getting hot over hypothetical cheating assholes!

"Jake Reilly."

Meredith searched via her phone.

"I found him on Linkedin. Google…There's no picture. No articles published. He sucks."

"He doesn't suck." April retorted.

"He sucks!" Callie nodded.

"April, admit it. No articles mean he's probably not that good a doctor!"

"Jackson never published a lot. He is a great surgeon!"

"Well, it's also true that the best surgeons published more," Maggie concluded.

April stood up in outrage. But it probably had more to do with what was in her glass.

"Did you see the pictures of my husband in the hospital brochures? He is so pretty it hurts! Literally hurts! Did you see him shirtless?! And his eyes…And he does not need to publish. He is an Avery. He was born perfect!"

"I hate the new April!" Callie muttered. "She had to remind us of what she goes home to… The abs… The eyes… I hate you."

April grinned smugly.

"Was Dean hot?" Meredith asked.

"Well, I hated that he wanted to sleep with his socks sometimes. I guess he was not unpleasant. Sometimes he was even sexy."

"The guy slept with his socks. What a moron !"

"Don't listen to Alex! Answer the question truthfully! Was he hot or not?" Meredith repeated.

"I can't say. Alex is right. He was quite nerdy like me."

Alex grabbed another pizza box. He shook his head.

"You're not nerdy. You're a Grey. You're smart. You're demanding. You just need "hot"."

She smiled, her face a bit flushed. No one had ever put it that way and it almost sounded like a compliment. This time, it was April who did the searching on her phone.

"Dean Pickens."

"Picture time! Tadaaa… Oh the man is…HE is gorgeous! But he is… an insurance broker? Really?"

April made a grimace.

" He makes a good living at his job."

"Sure. Sure. He is yum…Where his ancestors come from? I think naked, there should be something there. You did say that he kept his socks all the time. Did he have long limbs? Impressive bone structure? Callie teased.

"That sounds so dirty coming from you." April laughed.

" What can I say? I like people. He is people!"

"Callie! "

"I don't discriminate."

"He is mixed. His mother was Korean. His father was Jamaican. He had very long feet."

"That was not the only thing of incredible size on him, right? You can confirm my diagnosis. We're between doctors."

Maggie laughed.

"You let him make babies with that other woman. What a waste! That was a waste of some good genes."

Alex grabbed the phone.

"Mer, you're kidding, right? The guy is just there… Blerg…I bet he is boring. He probably does not understand a word with more than two syllables."

"That's mean, Alex!"

Meredith threw her arms over Alex.

"Don't listen to McNasty. This one is quite Mctasty!"

"McTasty? What is… that?"

"Yes, we should invite him here! He'd like it in Seattle. There are plenty of risks to be insured." Meredith slurred.

"But he is married!"

"We don't care!" Callie said.

"We're sluts!" April finished.

"I think I want my head to be smashed right now. " Alex added.

"Correction. I love the new April. You're hot."

"Thank you, Callie." she muttered licking her lips. "You're hot too. The bottle is empty. Can I have another glass of whatever sweet poison you can find? It tasted so good. What was this thing, Maggie? McCutcheon? It had to be a McSomething. You're truly a Grey. It's not even a joke."

Maggie just shrugged, unable to suppress her laughter. She rolled on the floor in front of a very surprised Meredith and hilarity ensued.


	6. Afterparty

At five o'clock in the morning, the sun itself showed no signs that it wanted to be out of bed. It was still dark outside and quiet in the Grey House. Call it the McCutcheon effect or not, at some point or another, they'd all fallen asleep there. The ground was littered with the potato chips April had thrown at Alex for mocking her old virgin self. A stack of empty beer cans and soda stood proudly in front of the chimney. The bottle of McCutcheon was lying empty on top of a pile of pizza boxes. April was the first to get up. It was the eerily silence that got to her, Jackson used to talk in his sleep, having entire conversations with strangers or dead people since the shooting, waking up in screams. She was used to his outbursts in the middle of the night and the resurgence of the phenomenon after the death of their son. It never even occurred to her that it may have been a bad sign that she got used to it. It was like saying she got used to Pain. It was like admitting she had given up long ago. She got up slowly on the couch she claimed last night. Callie settled in the armchair. Her head on a large pillow, Maggie was on the floor. Alex… Alex may have found his way back to his bed upstairs. Meredith was nowhere to be seen and April was tempted to go check if she was not in the old laundry room. But she needed to go to the bathroom first so she ran upstairs.

"Aun…ty!" A little voice called. It was followed by a peal of merry laughter.

"Zola!" Zola just ran into her arms and hugged her tight. "How are you, sweetie? Did you sleep well?"

April used to babysit for Meredith and Derek prior to her pregnancy. Thinking about it there was a ton of things she used to do back there. She was feeling so blessed at that time, feeling each day how lucky she was to have met Jackson, to have found a friend in him, to be able to love him more every day. At that time, love had been more than enough. She watched Zola nod contentedly before going back to play with her toys. She did not know how long she stayed in front of her old room transformed for the occasion into a nursery. When she came to it, she realized Baby Bailey had been up and crying for a while now. Zola, who was in her favorite pink pajamas, was not paying the slightest attention to her baby brother and played with her unicorn princess. She could pick him up, she could help, she thought to herself. But April was resolutely rooted to the spot where she was standing, unable to move. She used to love, live for the children, their smell, the little noises they make, their lively expressions in front of new things. It was just magical somehow… the way their tiny lives hung on a line, so fragile, so unpredictable. Were they going to grow up fine? To become a fully-realized adult with a kind heart. Were they going to grow up at all?

Honey blonde hair just came into her line of sight startling her.

"Meredith?"

"It's okay! I'm up!"

Meredith's face betrayed her weariness when she picked up Bailey to help him out of his progressive bed.

"He will calm down soon. He hates mornings. He relives his own little nightmare every morning. Truly, he is his mother's boy."

"That's horrible." Old April said with tears in her eyes.

Meredith was too busy wiping Bailey's sticky face and fingers to notice the obvious change of mood and she continued.

" You don't say. It's even worse since Derek… I mean his father used to wake him up with kisses and songs and they'd watch cartoons together."

Meredith's sentence was met with silence this time. She looked up to see April's teary face.

"I'm sorry…Meredith…You got your own stuff…and… " April sobbed.

"Nonsense! Come here! Come here!"

She grabbed her hands.

"Zozo, Mommy is with Auntie Cristina and Auntie April if your little sister wakes up!"

Zola nodded absent-mindedly while Bailey had already entirely moved on from his nightmare and grabbed his favorite plush dinosaurs to play with. Meredith led April down the stairs. They crossed the living-room quietly and Meredith grabbed the tablet on the kitchen island. They went to the laundry room. Meredith played with the keyboard buttons a while to connect them, Christina answered on the first call though.

"Hey Cristina!"

"Oh, you read my mind! I'm just back, baby!" Christina screamed.

"From where…"

"From his place…of course!"

Meredith laughed. She turned to April.

"Meaning: She got laid."

"Hi! Cristina?"

Christina leaned closer to her screen.

"Hey! It's April? April! How are you little Miss Sunshine?"

"Are you drunk?"

"Just a bit. Just a tiny teeny bit. Wine. To die for. The bottle costs something….insanely... Expensive. Making sentences is just difficult now. "

"Head pounding. Sweating profusely. We were also drunk last night. We know the feeling."

"Tequila?"

"No, Whisky for a change… and other stuffs… But definitely whisky...A gift from Maggie…"

"Lil' Sis n°2 is cool. I can't wait to meet her."

"You've seen each other at the funeral. What am I saying? You were the one who interviewed her for your old position. You know her."

"Really? Ah…That may be… true… I don't think I even remember what she looked like though. She was more of Owen's idea. "

"You know her, stop teasing, Cristina. So, April didn't feel too good either… So I invited her. You don't mind."

"Of course not, the more the merrier, Mer."She teased before laughing at her own jokes.

"What did you celebrate with wine?"

"You dare ask Dr. Badass, here? I did a successful thoracic aortic dissection repair with my new method, the Yang's godly Method, the name is in progress. I'm just feeling great about it and I found the perfect song. It is French and it is called: " So we dance now?" It's very dark. Very sexy. Very fitting. Very Me."

Meredith put herself in position. Cristina took off her leather jacket. April stood there a bit apprehensive. It's not like she didn't know the ritual, but she did not think she could dance right now.

 **Alors on danse?** (Extended mix)- **Stromaé**.

When the music started, Meredith had her doubts. What was this thing? It was in French which she assimilated to Mandarin. What was Cristina thinking? But then she closed her eyes and listen to the melody… Then she felt the beat… the magic took over and moving became so easy. Without choreography, she was jumping without even wanting to. Then she let down her hair… April who recognized the song from her days under the tent in Irak started dancing immediately forgetting all her past apprehensions. And then without knowing she felt things she did not feel in weeks. Words, coherent thoughts and images… Her head was completely empty. She was suddenly alone in her head. Cristina was shaking whatever she had and what was also non-existent till now like the soul Queen she was. Whipping their hair in the air, the three women were caught in a sort of trance.

Lascivious, full of intent, filled with sudden desire, they accepted fully Stromaé's invitation. April Kepner was not born with a sense of coordination, but at that moment she did not care. She playfully played with her hair. Her laugh resounded in the air. She felt a sense of freedom each time she breathed out, each time air left her lungs. Meredith was shaking her hair and she could feel the electricity leave her body bereft... wanting for more. It felt immediately so good. She looked up behind her, behind April… and she could almost see Derek moving in rhythm with her with a gigantic goofy smile on his face. With measured steps, he did the robot. It made her laugh. Just imagining him struggling to keep the rhythm… And then just like that, he was gone. And Meredith kept dancing... and singing...and dancing. Until she could not breathe anymore.

Toward the end of the song, Alex applauded their performance with a smirk. Circling Meredith's hips, April hugged her tight and whispered thank you in her hair. She told her she was welcome because just like that Meredith had overcome her own trauma of waking up in an empty bed every morning.

Slowly and reluctantly, Maggie uncovered her face two hours later. She was quite the heavy sleeper. She blinked, closed her eyes, and blinked again, ever so slowly this time. The morning light trickled in through the blinds. All at once, she was assaulted with thoughts, both internal and foreign, noises both sharp and diffused. It smelled like coconut shampoo and perfume. She opened her eyes again. She only saw a blur of vivid colors followed by some sort of shadow. She started feeling the bitterness in her mouth and she shuddered a bit. Awaken with a start she discovered her unfamiliar surroundings with dismay.

A playful toddler screamed excitedly and clapped at this amazing exploit.

"Auntie's awake!"

"Zola, what are you doing to Auntie Maggie? I told you to put your shoes on!"

"Her hair is funny like mine! It smells good mom like banana split."

"Hair is not a funny thing to be joking about."

"Yes, it is, mommy!"

Meredith must have seen the stunned almost terrified look on Maggie's face because she stopped halfway from putting her coat.

"Are you okay? I did not want her to wake you up like this! I even planned on leaving a note. Zola, your shoes! Don't let me tell you again little Missy!"

Zola begrudgingly abandoned her new object of affection to do as she was told.

"Did I fall asleep?"

Meredith nodded.

"I never…"

"Well, you did… We all did. Alex was sleeping too, so I had no way to carry you upstairs. Will you forgive me?"

"Yes?! Of course! That never happened to me! I'm so sorry. "

"No more excuses, it's nothing."

"We talked pretty late. That's fine."

She was startled at the sight of Callie coming out of the kitchen. Callie played with an apple while putting on her jacket.

"I'm so glad Sofia is with Arizona. I get to sleep some more since my shift starts in the afternoon. Where's April?"

"She already left she had an appointment with Jackson. She told us last night."

"Why can't I remember then?"

"I told you that Margarita was not the way to go, Callie. After the whiskey, that was probably a bit too much."

"Blasphemy, Mer! Midnight Margaritas is always the way to go. Ask Sandra Bullock! I'm off. See you later, guys."

"I should go too…"

"Take your time. I know you live on the other side of town. The traffic will be hell, trust me. You can take a shower upstairs. We're practically the same size. Help yourself. Wendy went for a stroll with Bailey and Ellis. They'll be back shortly. But Alex is upstairs. He has his keys! I have to go! I have to drop off Zola to Kindergarten! See you!"

"Bye Auntie!"

"Bye Zola! Have fun sweetie!"

"You're so _pwetty!_ I love you very much! You should come more often so that we could play…like last time."

Meredith shrugged at her daughter's sudden outburst.

"Okay, baby! Let's go! " She laughed.

Meredith led Zola outside, closing the door on her way out. Maggie let all the air out of her chest at once. That was something else. She checked her wild mane in a mirror. It did not look half as bad. She frowned. It looked terrible and totally impossible to comb but strangely not hopeless. She could see herself, finding a way around it with water and the bottles of shea butter and coconut oil she always keeps in her bag.

She was left wandering in the house. It was strange the way it felt like home. A feeling she never believed she would experience upon meeting Meredith Grey the first time. Their meeting had been a genuine disaster. She took half the blame for it. She came to Seattle without completely thinking things through. She went to the archives and got excited. Discovering her mother had worked in the hospital she got interviewed for an attending position was the cherry on top of everything. At that time, she thought she wanted to know about the Grey of Grey-Sloane and how it was related to her. It was the end of a long quest. It had been so important to her these past two years. She needed to know why, why Ellis had abandoned. She had so many questions. She found out the truth about Ellis' death. Then she discovered she had a sister and a father. They barged into her life with the same violence and abruptness she crashed theirs and of course, there was some collateral damage.

At some point, she thought she could never have a relationship with Meredith. She thought she hated Meredith at first sight. She realized now she may have been a tad presumptuous thinking any relationship between her biological family would come without emotional baggage. She remembered it was a conversation with Alex shortly after Meredith's disappearance that definitely put stuff into perspective. She learned more about Meredith's sister Lexie. Lexie was Meredith's sister on her father's side. Well, more precisely she had two sisters on her father's side. But Lexie was the one who wanted a relationship with Meredith. She was an intern, Meredith a resident at the time. And just like Maggie, she came up to Meredith one morning to tell her she was her sister. And then she lived here with Meredith and Alex. They learned more about each other. They were close and then she died in that plane crash and Meredith bought the hospital back with the money of the lawsuit. She could understand Meredith better now. In retrospect, she'd probably have the same reaction, a mix of anger, resentment and disbelief.

Today, being in her mother's house means so much to her. She didn't think Meredith even realized. Alex told her that he made minimal changes since he bought it. She stopped in the kitchen. The carpet, the appliances in the kitchen were all new. But the furnishings were pretty much the same except for the living room where a tree fell through the window during a storm. Her mother did not seem like the type to cook. Meredith's raw appetizers were terrible calamities. She may have inherited Ellis's cooking skills.

She looked at her watch and sure enough, she might be late again to start her shift. But somehow she couldn't bring herself to worry about the consequences. She pushed the bathroom door upstairs without knocking and came up face to face with Alex Karev in all his naked glory.

"Hey, Mer, where did you put my after…shave?"

He turned to face her, his towel in his hand.

" Ah! I'm sorry! I forgot you were even there. I was just wandering in the house and… I lost track of time…There… I'm so sorry! I did not want to…"

"You're rambling. Stop Rambling. Close the damn door."

"Oh yes…"

She got into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. The air felt immediately stuffy and warm. It sent a shot of electricity down her spine. She exhaled sharply. Her face was literally burning with shame as she realized a moment too late that it was not what she was supposed to do. As Alex was staring at her with a mixture of incredulity, amusement and maybe some more incredulity, she felt like her heart would stop and she was in desperate need of a bypass.

"I will… wait… outside." She muttered.

Five minutes later, A fully-dressed Alex found her in the kitchen pacing nervously.

"I'm sorry I was harsh, but you…startled me!"

"No one was more surprised than me. I forgot you were even there. I don't know what happened. My brain just froze. I could not think. I'm so sorry."

"Well, that's not too bad a reaction. Got worse. "

She smiled at that.

"I should not have been there."

"Like I said no big deal. We are doctors. Naked people are no big deal."

"Yes, you're right. I was just…" She trailed off, the smile fading on her lips. She took a quiet look at her surroundings.

"You okay?"

"That is my mother's house. I've been there before, but..."

"What is it?"

"I'm sorry. I… It is so strange to be here… to wake up here… I think I dreamed of being here my whole life… Since I knew I was adopted. My parents were adorable, but I could not help imagining what it felt like to be with my biological mother. What if she never abandoned me? I even imagined once that she lived in a shack with broken windows. But here I am, my biological mother is dead. But she lived here. There's a little bit of her still… And I have a sister and I am an aunty. I don't know what to think about that. "

Alex quietly listened to her, biting into an apple.

"Did I ramble again?"

"No. I get it. When you're a kid, you made up imaginary friends and you tell yourself lies so that you don't get disappointed. Believe me, I've been there. The question is: Are you disappointed?"

She turned to face him, her face bright with happiness.

"No."

He nodded.

"Good. Shower is free. You want me to wait for you?"

"Oh, thanks! I'll be quick I promise!"

The hallways on the surgical floor were an institution for those who were not lucky enough to find an empty and quiet on-call room. There were seldom places in this hospital where you could totally disconnect yourself from the traumas and the surgeries. Jo was forced to log off the system for the night as she got her quota of working hours filled. So, she decided to take a break. Stephanie was on her seventh-hour shift and still hiding from her ducklings, hoping she did not get called unless a patient was dying...or not.

"He's not answering his phone."

Stephanie did not take her eyes off her screen for a second.

"Well, that could mean any number of things."

"…Or it can mean only one."

She shook her head.

"This guy has such a resume. It's incredible. He's done and seen so much of the world. I'm 29... okay more like 30. What have I ever accomplished?"

"Do you think he is cheating on me right now?"

"If I had a resume like that I wouldn't need to worry about my future. I think I need a project of some sort, something better than sex to focus all my attentions on. I have to raise the bar somehow even if I'm already drowning. Who needs a sex life? Who needs a life?" 

"Still on the voicemail… Why can't he answer his phone?"

"Well, it's 7.00 in the morning. For those of us who still have a life. There's probably something better to do."

"Like sleeping with someone else…"

"Like sleeping. Period." Stephanie yawned.

Was it wrong that just thinking of a nice cozy bed made her all fuzzy inside? Stephanie thought bashful. She was all too aware that she was never going to rule the world with such a weak mentality.

"I don't know I thought he would be happy that we got our own place. We can do whatever we want now… It's ours. It's not Meredith's. You don't have to be too careful with it!"

"You really do have a problem with her."

"She is so self-absorbed and clingy."

"Well, you should tell her that."

"Are you joking? She's our boss. Also, she could kill me!"

"She won't kill you. She can't be a murderer. She is a rich widow with kids. She won't risk jail time for you. She will probably fire you, but that's another thing. It's just he is your boyfriend. I just think it would be faster to try and negotiate with her."

"I shouldn't have to negotiate my boyfriend with her. He should be mine. Mine alone."

Jo closed her fist firmly like she was in the Fist of Fury.

"Oh my god, this guy is something… This bio is a collection of great stories, great tales really! He is a legend! He is just plain awesome and he has brothers who are just as plain awesome! The mother Theresa slash Bono kind… of awesome!"

"Stephanie, it's just… If he loves me, he should want to do this with me. I bought a loft for him. "

Stephanie raised an eyebrow at that.

"For him?"

"For us."

"It's not a loft yet, Jo. It's a lot more rustic than that. A lot more experimental."

"It's a place to start."

"Well, you can definitely call it that."

" But he is so angry and bitter all the time… Over little things really. It's not like it's gonna stay in that same sad state all the time. We've got it planned."

"You planned it."

"The architect did. For us. He said that it will definitely need some work. But it's a good investment for the future. He congratulated us on making the sale. "

"Emphasis on the word Future. "

"We're young."

"He's older than you and we're not young anymore. We should be more accomplished, there's no denying that. This guy was eleven years old when he held a scalpel for the first time. His parents were doctors without borders in Uganda. His dad had just been shot in the leg by rebels and he saved his life by taking out the bullet and cauterizing the wound. While his nine-year-old brother ran ten miles to the next village to find rescue."

"What was his mom doing?"

"I don't know. It doesn't say. It's a good question."

"Eleven-years-old?"

" He is like Bruce Wayne… no like Oliver Queen… with sidekicks."

"You and Shepherd developed quite a hero complex since last year."

"Yes and he is Arrow-material. He is…"

"You're such a Geek!"

Stephanie shrugged and turned another virtual page on her tablet. Jo sighed deeply. She waited a full-fledged minute before assaulting her friends with more questions.

"But you said you like the place?!"

"Well, notwithstanding the scary neighborhood, I could see it turning into something in the future. I mean in the years to come."

"You said you loved it."

"I had to say that to keep my privileges until you actually renovate the place into something habitable."

"It only needs a quick little touch-up."

"There are no tiles in the kitchen. There's no… Everything ... This guy! He spent a summer in Guatemala with just his younger brother, when he was just 16, building houses for poor homeless people. He lived in more than 67 different cities from birth to high school. He attended high school in six different schools in three different countries. He is fluent in more than seven languages. Harvard was so impressed by his essays, they gave him a full scholarship just like that. He managed to refuse it since his family is loaded."

"Was I too ambitious?"

"A tad bit maybe…"

"Then why didn't you tell me so?!"

"You went and just bought the place, Jo. When was I even involved in the decision-making process? Why should I even be involved in the first place?"

"You're my best friend."

" I can't believe it. I'm wasting my time here. This guy was Catherine Avery's intern and as an intern, he published a commentary on one of her interventions. Avery let him do that. Catherine Avery! What's wrong with the universe?"

"Are you listening to me?"

Stephanie bolted upright.

"Yes… and no… I can't believe she asked me to babysit this guy. What will I say to him? Who am I really to cross path with him? He is like Jesus… It's written here… I'm just a resident with idiotic interns."

"Do you think he will leave me?"

"Sure… I mean no."

"Stephanie, you think he will dump me. He will dump me and go live with Meredith."

"Jo, talk to him."

Jo's face was suddenly drained of its colors. She stared at the window with the view of the parking lot. Stephanie followed her gaze. Just like Jo, she let out a sharp intake of breath. Alex was in the parking lot speaking with Pierce as she just got out of a car. There was no way to know what was said. But Pierce was laughing and then Alex got closer. They took a few steps together before she paused at something Alex probably said, grabbing his arm quite intimately. Edwards raised her eyebrows at this. Jo and Stephanie stared in each other's eyes. Pierce and Alex disappeared inside the building.

"There must be an explanation for this. "

Stephanie's pager went off.

" I must go. I… But… It's probably just a coincidence. They did not arrive exactly together... in the same car or something."

"He's leaving me."

"Jo! Don't do anything stupid! Just talk to him! I have to go meet Jesus."

Maggie and Alex parked exactly at the same time in front of the hospital. Meredith was right. They were practically the same size. It was easy to find a pair of blue jeans, a purple T-shirt and a cardigan that fit. She grabbed her bag on the back seat and looked up to see Alex leaning on the trunk of her Audi Q5 hybrid.

"You're the craziest driver in town, Maggie. You know those funny red lights on the sidewalk? You're supposed to stop before them."

Maggie let out a snicker.

"If you were not so slow you wouldn't see any funny lights, Alex."

"You even harassed a poor old woman and her dog into crossing the street faster. An old woman really? I almost did not believe it..."

"She was not old. I think she was barely sixty. She looked very sporty. She seemed so dynamic and energetic. Walking fast is very good for our cardiovascular system, you should know. I just wanted to encourage that."

"You're all Death and Die. You're a monster."

"I'm not really. I'm a very good driver. That's all." She retorted boldly without blinking.

Alex paused. Was she truly serious?

"You insulted that guy that made an illegal u-turn in front of you. But you did the same just a few minutes later."

" Did you see that? He was so slow. He kept hesitating… and… dilly-dallying… like we have all the time in the world for a three-steps turn! He was such a danger to everybody. When it was my turn, I did it right. When you do break the law, you have to do it fast. You have to be damn sure. Because you want to do it right. My dad used to say that all the time. Of course, he is a terrible driver. But not me..."

"You're a terrible driver."

"I'm not. I am very good, focused and precise. I am amazing behind the wheel of my beast."

"Your beast?"

"Beastie Pierce, for friends? She is the big sister of Miracle Pierce, my first sweet ride, my Precious. Miracle was named after my Dungeons and Dragons character in high school. She was a sweet clumsy thing. Still an Audi. But less beastie… truly."

" Your first ride was an Audi too? "

"Yup and every car after that must be. Family tradition. My dad owns two car dealerships in Boston and Detroit. Beastie is very nice and sweet, but she can roar like a lion when she is late. Nobody should mess with Beastie. " She grabbed his arm playfully. "Isn't she a beauty?"

Alex took a quick look at the Maya Brown Metallic Q5 Hybrid, its beige leather interior and its its mahogany woods inlay, its sunroof, its sophisticated navigation system, with cherry on crop, an automatic manual transmission. He was almost ashamed at his own ride, though his Land Rover was swiftly efficient, her car screamed luxury. She was probably not joking about taking driving very seriously. Strange, he'd never pictured her for a car freak...for a freak at all.

"You're a Grey? You're such a Grey, Grey?"

"Argh!"

They walked together toward the hospital.

"You drink like a Grey?!"

"Don't call me that?!"

"You're hot like a Grey!"

"Alex!"

"You're crazy like a Grey?"

" Alex! I swear to god I am about to punch you hard."

"With these tiny little things you call your fists, you're such a Grey about this." He teased. She punched his shoulder.

As the door opened for them, Maggie searched in her purse for her badge and some money. They stopped in front of the food cart at the same time.

" I will have the glazed donut, please." They said at the same time.

"I will have the donut, Alex. I'm not messing with you." She smiled politely.

" Don't listen to her, the donut and a coffee to go." Alex continued.

The vendor stared at them truly embarrassed.

"Sir, Madam, It's the last one. I'm sorry."

"No, no, no, no, no , no, no, I was there first." Maggie stepped forward.

"In your dreams only, Pierce."

"I will faint without a donut."

"I have very tiny demanding patients. I need my sugar rush too."

"You're a big boy, get a brownie."

"You're mean, Pierce. I want a donut. I always have a donut."

"Too bad! You won't get my donut today."

"It's not your donut. It's still a donut. A poor Owner-less donut! I still want it!"

"If you share, I can give you an additional fruit. What do you think? " The vendor offered.

"I am all good for sharing. Give me a pear and a brownie to go with that. She's paying."

"Sharing a donut with you is a big thing, Alex Karev. I'm okay with it in the name of our friendship. But I'm not paying. You are!"

"You've got the money in your hand, Beastie Pierce?"

He said smiling as he left with his half of a donut, his pear, his coffee and his brownie.

"Alex!"

"Bye, Beastie!"

"Madam, what do we do?"

Maggie smiled and handed her the money.

"I will pay. But give me a banana and a white coffee to go with that."

"See, this is me telling you, Chief Webber?"

"Katherine Avery Webber, can you please stop with the snark?"

She shrugged and raised an eyebrow. He turned to close the door of his office because he just knew this was going to turn ugly pretty quick. It always did.

"Catherine…"

She nodded and silenced him firmly with an open hand.

"Listen to me, we need this. The numbers are not good. It's nice to save lives, Richard. But if the numbers are not good… Not good."

"Don't patronize me, please."

She raised her hand again.

"I'm not finished. Hunt quit long before he actually did."

"He did a good job."

"His head was not in the game. Now I'm grateful for his supervision and his management. But we need to reorganize things around here."

"Catherine."

She gave him a feral glare.

"I'm not finished. I thought Jackson could do this. I prepped my son for this since he could barely walk. Nobody had expectations for him. I did. But the past year had been excruciatingly painful on him. He is young and he lost a son. My grandson. He's pretty much had enough. He needs time to regroup and think while still being a surgeon."

"Okay, I can see your point."

"It's going to be good for the hospital. It's going to be good for us. New blood is what we need to make this place work like before."

"What we need? Let me tell you… We need a little bit of consistency. People need to know we're not going the full corporate road. It's not going to be like the Seattle-Mercy West merger. We are a family. We take care of each other. They need to know they can grow here."

"Yes, of course, but not everybody can be chief."

"We need doctors."

"He is a doctor I can promise you that."

She grinned smugly.

"I don't like that grin."

"I simply don't mind putting this place in even more pragmatic hands, like that of a businessman. My candidate can do both. Can you say the same?"

"This is ridiculous. Bailey is fine. She would do an awesome job."

"She would be a great chief of surgery, yes. But as the whole package… A chief of staff. I'm not sold yet. Because I need someone checking the bills, making sure we don't go bankrupt buying 3D printers or Lodox x-ray machines that cost millions. I need someone shaking money trees, making sure the money comes in as much as it comes out, making sure we stay afloat.

She hugged him tight, her eyes seductive.

"Everything is a business to you."

"It sure is, my love. We agreed to this…"

"Yes, but I can't see why you have to fly some corporate guy from the other side of the country and try to persuade him that he wants to be our candidate. He should want this position for himself. "

"I knew you would not understand the importance of this."

"That's you being condescending again, Catherine."

"I'm not trying to be! This is important to me. I want this to work. You promised equal chances for both candidates."

Somehow it did not seem to Richard as if being fair was even in the priorities of his wife. This sounded less than fair. This sounded like a conspiracy or a trap. He was saved from having to answer by the arrival of Edwards. Stephanie knocked and sneak her pretty head inside.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. Dr. Avery -Weber, I think your guest is here."

"I will be there shortly. I'm counting on you, Edwards. Your mission is an important one. You're an ambassador of sorts. Don't disappoint me."

Catherine smiled reassuringly, but Stephanie still looked nervous. She finally nodded and left. Catherine gave Richard a quick kiss.

"I need you to do this, Richard. I need you to prep the staff and make sure we are on the top of our game. We need to impress my guy. I need it to be perfect. We need the best we can find. I can assure you he is the best we can find. I will give Miranda Bailey a chance if you give him one. Please…"

"Alright, when you're looking at me like that I can't really say no."

"That's the man I married."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If you're from Europe, you know the timeline is quite messed up. And Christina would not be going to bed in Germany while Meredith got up, quite the contrary. I call it the Matrix time-bending hole. It just fit my script. I got lazy. I wrote this scene pretty late with a fuzzy mind and when morning came, and I realized I got it wrong, I did not want to change it since I had a blast writing it. I love the "dancing it out" concept in Grey.


	7. In the business of saving lives

**Lean On (feat. MØ & DJ Snake)**

While a private jet landed in King County international, the traffic snaked up downtown Seattle, packing heavily the roads with cars, blistering under the heat of the bright morning. The Ferry boat released safely its hundreds of passengers in the harbor. Ensnaring the main arteries of the city in a tight grip, the lines of steel and wheels were seemingly endless. But like blood flowing from a vein, it never lacked a pulse. There was a momentum between each flow. The streetlights operated like a pacemaker. It was a beautiful, well-organized ballet. One, Warren Fresker was sure was quite common in every big city in the country at this time of day. However, when he saw the reflection of the space-needle in the windshield, he immediately knew that he was now in Seattle, 2000 miles away or so from home. He was quite anxious about it as he usually was whenever he left his office too long. Taking a quick look at his Jaeger-LeCoultre watch, he frowned lost in his thoughts. Time seemed to be the most precious commodity these days. Warren was sorely lacking in that department. A quick peek at his smartphone, a sophisticated piece of modern and outrageously expensive technology, with which he could theoretically make calls from the great wall of China, dive with dolphins and sharks in Australia, just before boating down the Amazon, a quick look at quick efficient modernity, and he knew that somehow he already lost the day. He reviewed at once the journal of ongoing surgeries of the Strauss Medical Center in Annapolis. His hand crisped on the phone when he saw an unauthorized cancellation. A name flickered in red like an alarm. Yeahquo was going off protocol. Again. Did it come as a surprise? Not really. Was he expecting it? Maybe. Was it still annoying? Yes, definitely.

He remembered his last conversation with Yeahquo in his office. He thought at that time that he made himself pretty clear. Gabriel Fife had been there. Both doctors were in the best of moods after learning a request made in the interest of one of their patients had been rejected.

_"They said no."_

_Kyle Yeahquo pushed his raven hair back with both hands, finding it hard to exhale. The tribal tattoo on his forearm came in full view since he was not wearing his scrubs, but a simple white shirt over jeans. For as long as Warren knew him, he was never one to take rejection well. He was the kind of surgeon who sets impossible goals for himself. He sets his bar so very high and you could never push him to go lower than that. He arrogantly believes in his own hype. He was a child at heart. Discontented, wild, obstinate, brilliant… He was an asshole, mind you. His ego was impossible to keep in check. At that time, you could just see the fire blazing in his eyes as dark as the night._

_Gabriel Fife, the buttoned scientist on the other end was more measured in expressing his feelings as researchers usually were. He just gripped his wheelchair tight and looked at the ground. Well, he never liked to be the bearer of bad news. But well, that was the job. He grabbed another file. He forgot to approve the nursing schedule for next month._

_"I don't deny it will be a risky surgery, but it's his one chance, Warren. I need your approval on this."_

_How ironic, Kyle never asked for permission. He usually did what he wanted to do and screw the consequences. It was strange to see that side of him, though he suspected, it was all part of some sort of manipulation. He kept his voice neutral, but Warren knew his ego was getting torn inside. Warren kept his eyes trained on the computer screen for a while before finally addressing them very slowly._

_"Not only is it risky, but it is also not cost-effective. It is expensive. The patient's health care only covers a third of the cost. Even with you and Fife working Pro Bono…this case. We will have to cover the rest. There's also the matter of the 13% chance of success. That's not encouraging at all. As you both know, the board ordered all trial to be on hold until budget negotiation starts next year, so we cannot use the preliminary results as dangling carrots. Meaning, I have a hard time justifying this expense as anything else but a giant waste of money. So, the answer is no. No, you won't get my approval on this. You should inform his father. He needs to be prepared… This is your schedule for tomorrow and yours, Fife."_

_He handed both men their schedule and sat down behind his office again. He saw Kyle's face contorted quickly in anger._

_"Screw that, Warren. Screw them. You know I can do it. You brought me here just for this. Now, these greedy sons of bitches… think they can fucking give me a schedule to follow. Who do they think I am?" Kyle said, raising his arms in the air._

_" Warren, that was my name… on that trial!" Fife argued. "Two years of research thrown away into boxes… What do you want me to do? "_

_"I am aware that things took a strange turn these past few months."_

_"And that's my patient! I told his family he won't be dying on my watch. I promise I will give him more time to properly fight this thing. He is just 8 years old, Warren. There is no way I can go back on my word. That is my reputation…"_

_"They want to restructure ... I cannot go against the board's wishes."_

_"They will be dismantling the center before the end of the year, you know it. Just tell us so we can cut our losses… After closing the trauma ward… This is the next… step. I did not sign up for this. I don't do second-rate well. I could be somewhere where I am needed. I sacrificed things to be here." Gabriel said._

_"The board may be reviewing its options. I do not have much of a say in this. This is not a right time for the medical center. I'm still working on getting all the trials back on rails. But we all have to make some sacrifices. You need to trust me."_

_Gabriel Fife scratched his eyebrows nervously._

_"I did trust you. Where's that ever gotten me? You're killing my research."_

_"I have no power over this, Fife."_

_"You're the chief of staff. You have every power in the book."_

_Warren kept shaking his head slightly and looked straight in his eyes._

_"I told you everything I know."_

_"It's not good enough! Not even nearly. So… I quit. How about that for something you should know! "_

_Fife turned to leave the room. Warren silently watched him go._

_"You're going to let him walk away."_

_"He is a geneticist. Right now, I can do without one. He will calm down or be fired. I honestly don't care which. You're head of oncology and a damn good surgeon. I need you. I'm sorry it'd come to this. But I have a hospital to run and for that, I have to make difficult decisions, decisions I don't always like. You have to inform his parents, Kyle? Can I count on you?"_

_"How can you ask that of me? You know I've worked this kid's case for years. It's a miracle he's still alive. My miracle! I made that possible! Fife is right. I'm done with this dollhouse. I did not get all these degrees just to play the doctor and look good in the pictures. I've won everything there is to win in this damn country. I am not a puppet. I'm a rockstar. I'm done here. Cut my dividend this year because I'm out of here too."_

_Kyle paced furiously. Warren ignored him like he always did in those situations._

_" As you can see Kyle, I took the surgery down from your new schedule. You will follow protocol… while I am gone. I will follow your progress on my phone."_

_Yeahquo turned to face him, not sure he heard him right._

_"You…what? You want what?! Didn't you hear what I just said? Don't fucking ignore me like that !"_

_"Like I said, I took the liberty of taking the surgery down from your schedule. I programmed a couple of benign biopsies, followed by colostomies, procedures with a cost covered by all insurance companies. Gucic will assist you then. You should be done by sixteen. OR 4 is all yours. I assumed you won't need the theater for this."_

_"Biopsies? Are you fucking kidding me?"_

_Warren rolled his chair to the side._

_" I don't have to joke. I'm not asked to have a sense of humor while I'm just doing my job. Can you do yours? Because I don't know when I will be back."_

_Kyle frowned even more._

_"You want me to follow protocol in your absence if I understand correctly… like a good little soldier… even though I usually never bother following protocol at all, is that it?"_

_Warren nodded._

_"You also want me to take your resident with me. The girl with the Dragon Tatoo… aka… Hit-Girl. Are you serious? This girl does not know her place in the OR. She punched an attending."_

_"The name is Vika Anja Gucic. And yes, that's it. Since the other side of your job is teaching, she should learn things…"_

_"She is a third-year resident…"_

_He paused, finally taking the time to consider this offer._

_"No, whatever… I will do it." He smiled._

_" Just follow orders, Kyle. Be aggressive… These things need a firm hand. Can you do that? "_

_"Of course, you're the chief, Chief."_

_"Don't screw up."_

_He laughed._

_"I won't… I never…"_

As much as he tried to stay completely neutral, something told him he made a huge mistake, and his hospital was probably already burning or collapsing under the weight of one surgeon's big ego. He was way too kind.

"Where are we going?" He asked the driver briskly.

"We will be there soon."

"Where are we going to be " soon"?"

A fake amiable smile spread his lips. His eyes were narrowed barely hiding his irritation. The driver's eyes never left the road, but he answered just as diplomatically.

"I have instructions, sir. "

"Turn around. I changed my mind. I want to go back to the airport."

"I can't Sir in this traffic."

"I know you can. Turn around now. I have work to do."

The driver shook his head apologetically.

"I can't do that sir. I apologize. But Dr. Avery was very clear."

"I bet she was. You need to know that I will sue you for all you're worth… Not your company… Not your contractors… Just you..."

"Sir…"

"I don't need the money. I will simply do it for fun."

"Sir…"

"Let me tell you how it will play out… You will be fired. The insurance company covering the asses of your boss and his bosses will do everything to put the blame on you so that they don't have to pay. My lawyers… So many lawyers… Paid so well… To shed innocent blood… I will allow them because I just want to go after you."

"Sir… She told me you'd say something like that."

"If you tell me you have kids… It will be worse. I hate children."

The driver let out a sigh of relief.

"We're here."

He looked through the window of the passenger's seat.

"She must be kidding?"

The driver got down, circled the car to open his door but he was quicker. Eyebrows raised quizzically, Warren faced the monstrosity of a hospital known in Seattle as the Grey-Sloan Memorial, known in the rest of the medical world as the Graveyard of Great Spirits. He thought he heard a shoe drop somewhere.

He had seen his fair share of hospital buildings around the world. They were all different in size, architecture, and funding. But they all had something in common and it was the inherent sanitized smell of its ethereal hallways. He looked up at the bright chrome railings of the bridge. He only pulled his eyes away from the glass vaults of the ceiling to stare contemplatively at the highly polished linoleum floor. There was some money there, undoubtedly. The front desk was in a very bright area complete with an indoor garden. Even though he relented at the idea of asking for help he walked steadily in that direction. Until someone just obstructed his path.

"Hi?"

"…Hi!" He replied.

"You must be Dr. Fresker? Of course, you're Dr. Fresker? I'm so glad to meet you! No, It is an honor to meet you… Sir! Really!"

He observed the young woman carefully before extending his hand casually. She appeared to be young, but she could be ageless. Age did not matter in their professions. Maturity was something else entirely. It was not something quantifiable, but it was something one could easily perceive upon meeting someone new. Dr. Edwards, S was the name written on the tag pinned on her coat. Her hair was unruly dark and she wore minimal make-up. She was quite mousy in her demeanor, though she tried to hide her unease by fidgeting on her feet. Stepping forward to shake his hands, she paused to quickly wipe her hand on her coat. It was a seemingly unconscious gesture, and she did it in a blink, but he noticed it nonetheless. Her nails were perfectly manicured and they were a soft creamy color. She was smart. A straight-A student… He bet… Probably major of her class in College… She wore pale blue unfitting and unflattering resident scrubs. She was a surgeon-in-training, of course. He could tell she was struggling though. Colored study cards were protruding from her lab coat. She was holding a file with his name on it.

"The S stands for what, Dr. Edwards?"

Stephanie blushed inwardly. A couple of thoughts came to mind. Superman. Supafly. Super badass. She sobered up quickly though. That was so not what he was probably asking.

"Huh? I mean…Oh, the tag! Stephanie, sir. I'm Dr. Stephanie Edwards, 3rd year resident of general surgery."

"Nice to meet you." He said sternly.

"I…"

"Can you provide me with the names of the board members of this hospital and a complete list with the name of all the attendings and head of each department?"

"Oh! That… I… She… I can give you a tour if you want."

"I have minimal time on hand. This needs to be quick, Dr. Edwards. I trust you want to go back to your OR and I want to go back to my business. We can help each other."

She quickly flipped the pages in her file. Her voice was trembling slightly.

"Those are pieces of information… I cannot… give you… at least until she's cleared… them… I mean you're sure you don't want any refreshments. We have a cafeteria. Nice and cozy. We should visit it. Not together. I did not mean cozy… Of course, I will be delighted to show you around. It's just we need a place to start. The cafeteria is a nice place to start, Sir."

He looked straight at her. She looked so promising and bright just a minute ago. Now he was having mixed feelings. The girl was definitely wasting her time, courtesy of Catherine. Without a word, he started pacing in the hallways. He pushed a glass door and it swung open with ease. A draft of air hit his face warm with a distinct scent of bleach. Next to the elevator, there was a bright wall decorated with old black and white photographs of hospital staff- most likely either deceased or rocking their nineties in some retirement home. He recognized Mark Sloane's picture. He remembered the day he learned that he died from injuries caused in a plane crash. He wanted to go to the funeral, but he had an emergency board meeting who could not wait instead, since Beckett Martin-Strauss, the patriarch of the Strauss Foundation and the principal shareholder of the Medical center, had died of a sudden heart attack.

On another wall, the lists of all the specialties were represented here with the name of each attending underneath. Shepherd caught his eyes first. This one was easy to remember. It was a well-known surname in their world, Grey too, all things considered. You could not forget the two-time Harper Avery winner, Ellis Grey, also recipients of other honors. She was like a monument of sorts in their professions. He did not know her daughter, but if she inherited anything from her mother, surgery skills should be the least of it. Amelia, on the other hand, he remembered her for lots of reasons, some of which were not pleasant to remember. As he worked for the New York-Presbyterian University Hospital of Columbia and Cornell, he interviewed her thirteen years ago, which was seven years after he met with her brother. Brash but gifted, she could have been another rock star in her family. She had the steadiest hands after Derek Shepherd. What she lacked at that time truly was concentration, discipline, focus, charisma and true genius, all the things her brother never lacked. But for a brief period of time, he believed in that talent. He had been that much of a fool. She got him fired from his position. And that was not even the reason he was still angry with her. No, this did not even begin to cover it.

"You don't have to take a look at it just now. Dr. Fresker…"

He read the other names swiftly. Torres. Calliope Torres. She was excellent, this one. She was also one of the Seven if he understood correctly. She built exoskeleton out of nothing on a homeless guy he had heard. But that was it. Jackson Avery. A board member? What one must not hear! The kid was even Head of plastics these days. No kidding. That was enough for one day. Nope. It was definitely not even worth a tour. He crossed the food cart area and was stopped on his way out by Edwards.

"Dr… Fresker? I'm sorry. Dr. Avery said she will be with us shortly. Can I do anything for you? A coffee maybe?"

"No. Dr…"

"Edwards…"

"Dr. Edwards, you will tell Dr. Avery that I thank her for the trip. First-class… Private… It is really my favorite way to travel. And I've never been to Seattle before. I expected it to rain. The weather is quite exquisite. But I must admit that if I really needed a vacation, I'd take some myself in another part of the world somewhere warmer and sandier. "

A black woman turned toward him with a bright smile.

"I expected the same thing. I thought it would be like Detroit. Greyish and dull… My father used to go to Detroit all the time. We had family there. He worked there too. I absolutely hated it. It was just insanely dusty. I have allergies. But the water here can be so clear in the summer. It is actually even better than Boston in terms of pollution."

"And you are… Dr. Pierce!"

"Oh! Yes, Margareth Pierce! How did you know?"

"I read all your articles."

"Really? I published ages ago!"

"I'm never impressed. But I was…"

"Oh then, I guess I'm glad I impressed you… I'm kinda impressed myself that I impressed you."

He smiled indulgently.

"Forget that. That did not even sound right. I had only half a donut this morning… I'm the Head of Cardiothoracic surgery around here."

She extended a hand toward him. He accepted it gladly. Her palm was very soft. Her assurance was faked, but her handshake was quite steady, her grip firm and tight. It was the handshake of a surgeon. Make no mistake she was probably a great one.

"And you are?"

"Warren. Warren Fresker. I am also in a hurry, unfortunately, but you did a good job on the Almeida case. Do you have news from the patient?"

"He just sent me a card last month to tell me he just got married. He's working in Dublin now. But I was a fellow at that time! It got me my attending position. How did you know?"

"I thought your position was secured at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. You were the Head of Cardiothoracic there too. "

"Well, you are well-informed. I don't know. I got this offer a year ago and needed a change of pace. They also had a "freaking" 3D printer and my predecessor's fellow, Cristina Yang, a great surgeon, managed to make a conduit out of it. It was the talk everywhere. My contract was up and I was pretty much hooked. I knew it was the place to be."

"They're good at this. Communication. I can tell."

She nodded, unsure of what he means.

"I must go. But it was a pleasure to meet you, Dr Pierce. Here's my card if you find yourself in need of another change of pace. I may have exactly what you need."

"Thanks… I guess."

He gave her one last smile before leaving.

" Dr. Fresker? I'm sorry. Where are you going? She said she will be… here in a minute."

He shortened the distance between them again.

" She tricked you, Stephanie. Allow me…" He said, taking the file in her hands and dropping it without ceremony in the nearest garbage disposer. "That's what she does. That file you were holding on so dearly will never teach you anything useful about me. I bet it was designed for you to believe I'm some kind of billionaire philanthropist who likes to travel the world. That's the thing she said to make you believe that what you're doing is worth it, that the time you take off surgery is justified. That you're not wasting your time. If you allow her, she will use you. You will not become a better surgeon like this. To become a better surgeon, you have to build a certain mentality. You have to go beyond what you're currently capable of. You have to sacrifice your fears and doubts on the altar of your growing success. You have to feel it inside. You have to feel better to be better. You have to create your opportunities… create your chances. She will not give them to you. She will not let you shine. Nobody will do that for you. So my advice to you would be to help yourself become better… Forget about anything else. Forget about what she wants…"

Stephanie blinked twice.

"Dr…"

"I'm so sorry. I'm not a patient man, Dr. Edwards. Tell Catherine Avery, I have another hospital to run."

"Wait! If you knew Catherine Avery, you'd know that it is impossible for me to tell her this. She will kill me."

His face broke in an unexpected smile.

"A lovely thing like you… Such a shame really. It was a pleasure to meet you."

Just like that he left. Pierce asked Edwards.

"Edwards? Who is this? I don't know… He is quite intense."

"I'm dead. I'm so dead. I want to be dead right now."

"She was late."

April shook her head in denial. She remembered distinctly the day when she broke her arms on the swing at school. She was swinging, laughing merrily. Her heart filled with such strong emotions as the swing gained in speed and she could feel herself being suspended in the air, her heart jumping at each swing. Then, she remembered losing her balance and grip and being catapulted in the air until gravity took over. Her arm went out in a cruel deafening snap of broken bones. She screamed because that was all she could do for a moment. She did not scream for help. She just screamed incoherently as pain blinded her, as she lied on the school concrete. The crunching noise her arm made when it dangles in that odd angle was all she could see and hear for a while.

"I was not... I was not. Maybe, I was just five minutes late. But that's nothing."

"Well, April. For Jackson, it doesn't seem like such a small thing. Can you understand why?"

"So now, I'm not understanding enough. Okay, I'm a bad wife because I was late once. I can see why Arizona and Callie never reconciled following your sessions."

The therapist just smiled, unwilling to engage April on such a topic. It would only help her validate her method of coping by antagonizing others.

"Can you listen to the woman? She's only trying to help."

"Leave me alone."

"April..." The woman cut in.

"I'm trying... I'm just trying so hard. I came this morning, full of hope. I even try to kiss him while having breakfast, breakfast I made for him. He flat out rejected me."

"Did you turn your head, Jackson? Did you do that ?"

"Well, she did not come home at all last night."

"April...You..."

"I fell asleep at Meredith's."

"You got drunk there."

"What's wrong with that? I'm an adult without children. What is there to be ashamed of?"

The words left her mouth before she realized, Jackson shook his head in disgust. She sighed.

"April..."

"Please... Jackson, I'm talking to you. Do we really need this?"

"Do you think I want to be here?"

"Then what are we doing here? Because I love you and you love me... That's how it's always going to be."

"You left me. You left me last night. You left me for nine months. You're always leaving me behind. Worst of all, you're always leaving our son behind."

"How can you say that?"

"That's what you do? Something bad happens and you check out. "

"That's not...true."

"You wanted me...Then you wanted Jesus more so you dumped me. You wanted Matthew, then you wanted me until you wanted Matthew again and you almost married him. Our son died. Say it. Just say it. We are not without children. We had one. We lost him... And you left again to go play soldier... And now you leaving me behind again. That's what you do. Admit it! Just admit it!"

"That's not..."

"I was there all the time, a fool in love, waiting for you to get a clue and come back to me. But you didn't... you never... not for long at least."

"Jackson..."

"We're here because of you."

April did not know what to say anymore. She heard the familiar snapping of bones. She just knew. She was back, dwelling in that pain and she wanted to scream.


	8. This is how we do it

-8-

This is how we do it

**Miss Nothing – The Pretty Reckless**

It was closer to noon in Annapolis. The air was still a bit chilly on the waterfront. Summer was still so far ahead and spring was just starting to show its face. The landscape was deftly classic, perhaps it was the preppiest hometowns on the East Coast, with all its turn-of-the-century mansions and rolling lawns, its brownstone lanes and green gardens. There was a decisive part of Annapolis who was all about preserving its history, tradition and privileges. But there was also a decisively modern Annapolis, the proud heart of the state of Maryland, with its bold architecture blending in the green landscape and embracing its closeness with the ocean, which was all about getting the best out of its institutions. The Strauss Medical Center was such creation. Since 1996, it faced proudly the waterfront, five blocks away from St John University, a perfect combination of iron, glass vaults and wood. Just like in a giant glass dollhouse, its staff went back and forth through its open hallways days and night, with the only goal of saving lives.

Her top scrubs were bold Byzantium. Her legs were concealed in tight bottom scrubs a unique shade of black with sterilized biker boots to match. It all stood out oddly enough underneath the quiet comfort of her traditional white lab coat. Her attire differed slightly from the nurses, since they wore baby pink scrubs, and from the vibrant violet worn by the attending. She walked with ease, no more hastily than usual. There was even a slight limp in her steps because of the hour she devoted each days to kickboxing training, making her muscles burned with every firm steps she took. Her hair was still covered with a black and white striped surgery cap.

Dr Vika Gucic was out of surgery having done a splenectomy on a young admirer of Miley Cyrus's life and works. For the occasion, she sported her favorite Rasmus black shirt, a blatant attempt at teasing him. After all, the patient was going to make a full recovery no thanks to the teen pop sensation. So, little man should learn that there is better music out there. Brandishing her smartphone, she entered her post-op conclusions while walking. She was halfway through the outdoor deck boarding the water when she realized that for unknown reasons people were staring at her. She vaguely remembered spotting a few holes on the hem of her Rasmus undershirt. She decided against ripping the damaged fabric because she doubted it would appease her newly created fanbase. She scratched her head, shaking her midnight black mane, sloppily cut asymmetrically with the edge of a sharp surgical blade just the week before, in total disbelief. What a piece of shit! Well, it was true that the shirt was flimsy at best, especially for this early spring season. Her nipples were making a special appearance beneath the top scrub thanks to the constant chill upon entering the surgical ward. Obviously, she liked it that way, so there was no need for the stares and the glares. People should get a life or subscribe to someone else's feed. Honestly, she did not see what she could do to blend more. Tattoos covered. Check. Past piercings healed. Check. Past scars covered. Check. Stiff hot nipples alert. Maybe not. She smirked. Ok, it was not like her boyish chest was even worthy of bras to begin with, but she hated them with a passion renewed each fucking hour spent standing in the OR. That was probably no excuse in some countries, even in the almighty US of A, it was frowned upon in certain states, she bet, but it was quite legal, thanks to no god. She stopped next to the nurse station. Grabbing a pen, she filled in a chart for the Miley fan. She wanted to start by recommending him to find himself some legit grown-up tastes in music to be in phase with his pubescent rebellion, but she settled for a few medical recommendations to the nurses. She turned then and noticed for the first time what had everyone waiting for the next episode. She leaned on the counter herself to get a better view.

"I want this door open now! It's not impossible a task, Mr Allen. Having the keys to this door is part of your job." A blonde in an impossibly skinny white suit screamed.

Vika saw Benny Mannigan, head janitor, lower his head to the ground in embarrassment. She frowned. How dare she talk to old Benny like that?

"They're in lockdown mode, Mrs Whyatt. "

She raised an eyebrow at that. So, she was the famous Liz Whyatt, Warren warned her against. True to her description, she was sending all kind of weird evil vibes. Bitch worked her way up the corporate ladder pretty fast, having her tongue so far up Pietrus Zieger's ass she should be charged with disorderly conduct. Since Zieger, a prominent member of the hospital board, hated Fresker, well, it was not difficult to understand why he accepted a rimjob directly from their common enemy. And well, Blondie got ass for miles in that skirt as an added bonus. Vika grabbed a seemingly abandoned can of soda, finished whatever sweet content was left inside. There was also half of a ham and cucumber salad sandwich left on a pile of charts. She hesitated for a second but dig in nonetheless, swallowing it down in two mouthfuls. A Girl gotta eat after all. Not bad. She licked her fingers. Not bad at all. She dropped her lab coat on a chair and started walking.

"It is so they can only be open from the inside. It's for security purposes. Security is truly important." Nurse Jenna intervened. Her perky smile could light a room.

Vika and almost everybody that mattered around here liked sweet simple-minded and coy Jenna. Her pale skin was lightly feathered with a few blemishes. Her hair was a heavy shade of Bourbon auburn worn in a big cinnamon roll in the back of her head. Vika thought Jenna was born to work in the US care system. She always wanted to help and was incredible clumsy in all her attempts to.

" There must be a way to open the door." Liz argued.

"There's a safe key for all the doors." Benny admitted.

She turned again to him.

"And?"

"The chief has them...probably keeps them in his safe…"

"Not his safe. Dr Fresker has the keys! I saw him leave with them yesterday."

"Jenna, you didn't see anything. You don't know that's what he did. How could you say something like that? Dr Fresker always leave them in his safe in his office in case of emergency. Don't you go open your huge mouth for nothing." Lillah cut in.

Thank whatever God for Lillah! We did not want Warren to get in trouble so early in the morning on a Wednesday to boot! Lillah was a strong, no nonsense, street-smart, mother of four, with a quarter-pound of Latina blood running through her veins, and an odd appetite for all things pink. Well, she was also Vika's ex- "whatever" but that was so beside the point. She was so right. Let's not give Liz any ammo.

" So is there someone who can open his safe in his absence?"

Lillah just snorted in Blondie's face. You gotta love that girl.

"Of course not, that's his safe. What would be the purpose if he gave just anybody his passwords? Why don't you ask, Dr Fresker, anyway? You seem a little bit overwhelmed, honey."

"If only I could… What did you call me?"

Lillah just shrugged. She just wanted to help until she decided that Blondie just wasn't worth the trouble. She saw Vika and just sighed.

"Well, in this case, you should just wait for him to come back. All I'm saying…"

Lillah and Jenna returned to work, leaving Whyatt pacing in the hallways. Finally Whyatt's phone rang and she quickly answered, making ridiculous and desperate arm gestures. Poor little thing! It did not seem like she was having a good day. Will and Gareth, from the security team, stood proudly in front of OR 4. Will saw her first and knocked Gareth's arms. So, she did their absolute favorite move and stretched her arms in the air, letting a glimpse of her tattooed stomach see the artificial lights. She saw Gareth's eyes lingered on her ass as she stopped before them.

" Dr Gucic?"

"Hi, Guys!" Her voice was naturally suave but unusually cheerful. She saw Will swallow hard, his adam's apple bobbing up and down, as gripped his own belt for dear life.

"We can't…"

"You can't do what?" she asked, her face neutral.

"Whyatt…The new boss, she's been very clear. No one goes in or goes out."

The new boss? What one was not supposed to hear?

One of the doors of the OR conveniently open to reveal the tiniest model of a nurse this hospital had in its drawer. Chief Nurse, Thanvi Chakrabarti was the size of three stock barrels of beer piled together. Dressed in surgical scrubs, she held the door with one chunky hand and stared at Vika with her soulful green eyes. Both women exchanged glares.

" You're late!"

"He did not call for me, Thanvi."

"Doesn't matter. I called for you an hour ago. You let Thanvi down, child. Thanvi is not happy. You let us down. Shame on you." She said with a thick accent.

"What can I say I was busy with my patient?! You know I'm also a surgeon? I'm not just paid to run errands."

"You're insolent with that. I don't know what Mr Fresker can see in you. You're so unladylike. But, let's go."

Gareth put his hand on the door and Thanvi spun toward him staring him down hard. Vika thought for a second she saw Thanvi showed her teeth like her wild enraged dog. As for Gareth, he let go immediately like he'd seen a ghost.

"What do you think you're doing in my ward, you two idiots? Move aside. Go sit somewhere." Thanvi barked.

" I… she said…"

"Does he really want me to repeat myself?"

"No, he doesn't. Come on man, you don't." Vika intervened, stepping forward. "You know what will happen if she has to repeat herself, Gareth... You and me… Makes me hot just thinking about it."

She smirked, shaking her head slowly.

"I'm just trying to… to do my job, Vika."

"We're trying here..."

"The same here. Only difference… The style! You've got none."

"No time for this. If you're against me... I will stomp on you...Hard... Violently... leaving a bloodshed...like on things I don't like..."

"Like Cockroaches?"

"Coackroaches! That's it! I don't like cockroaches at all. Now move. Go stand ! The witch will see us… Come Vika!" Thanvi forcefully grabbed the girl's hand and pulled her inside, closing the door violently behind them.

"Hey!" Whyatt screamed."Why did you let them go back inside! Why didn't you do something?"

"That was Chief Nurse Thanvi."Gareth said.

"Who?"

"And Vika Gucic, Madam." Will added.

"And ?"

Gareth shrugged, turning to Will.

"Yup, that was definitely Vika Gucic."

Whyatt looked at them with incredulity.

"Are you two idiots?"

They both shrugged at the same time.

Thanvi shed her masks and gloves completely then helped Vika in surgery garbs. She stared suspiciously at the girl. Vika sighed as Thanvi tied the back of her top scrubs.

"No, Thanvi, I don't wear anything underneath."

"Why would you do that? It makes people uncomfortable. It makes me very uncomfortable."

She smirked again in answer.

"If you're not a proper lady, you will never get married one day."

"Such a shame…"

"People won't respect you as a surgeon either. " She pointed out.

"Thanvi , Surgeons don't care about respect. Deep down, we're all selfish fetichists. I'm telling you Yeahquo doesn't probably give a fuck about the kid on the table. Sure, maybe he likes children. They have little organs so easy to cut. That makes research even more fun and challenging. It's all about his ego and how cutting makes him feel _. Damn good it feels, I can tell you_."

"By Ganesh, you're so mean! Like someone broke you when you were a little girl. What happened to you?"

"My dad raped me as a teenager and he never went to jail for it and I lost faith in humanity as a result."

"You said last Christmas that you adored your father and he was cruising on a yacht with your mother in the Bahamas. You also said that they were absentee parents at best but you were still close. The Christmas before that, your father was a worker who died in a freak accident in a factory in New Jersey. You called him a Darwin idiot."

"Like I said he never went to jail for it."

"You're a liar."

"You're a believer, trust me, that's much worse. "

Vika pushed the doors with her back.

"Good morning everyone!"

"Good morning , Dr Gucic!"

She stopped just behind Mya, the second-year oncology resident. As she turned slowly to face Vika, her baby blue eyes grew wide with horror when she saw the third-year resident grab a scalpel.

"I was…"

"Observing… That's quite nice! Aren't you adorable! Like pocket-sized adorable! I was more about getting in on the action though. After all, my name is in the system. Can you move a little bit, sweet pie."

Mya nodded and did as she was told. Kyle Yeahquo snorted at that but barely looked up to greet her.

"Nice of you to join us! Nice of you to also scare my student away, Gucic!

"You're welcome, seems like my invitation got lost in a mailbox somewhere!"

"I don't like spies."

"It must be hard to be you then. Everybody likes James Bond."

"He has gadgets. You don't."

A phone started ringing. Kyle shook his head in disbelief.

"Never mind that."

With a wink, she turned to Thanvi who searched in her pockets the offending object.

"Vika?"

"Dr Gucic speaking? "

" It's me. Where are you?"

"Just where my boss wants me…Call me Mrs Incredible!"

"Put me on speakerphone."

"Already done."

"Kyle?"

Kyle frowned, in exasperation.

"Hey, Warren? What's up? How's your little trip? How is your dad?"

"I am not on a leisure trip, Kyle. This is also business call. You have half a million dollars of medical treatments invested in that kid. I want a return on my investment. A couple of articles… Maybe a few prizes? I don't know, surprise me. You could get the teen choices's award, I wouldn't care? Make me glad I risked my job for you on a wednesday that's all I asked. What's the status on the patient? Thanvi… Are you there?"

"Yes, sir, BP's 100 over 65. His pulse is at 88. Constant was 180 three minutes ago. Temperature is rising. V-tach is not impressive considering the age of the patient. From where I'm standing I can't see signs of necrosis though symptoms still points in that direction. But there is a lot of blood."

"Great, two spies! Thanvi, I thought there was something between us…"

" Dr Fresker got seniority over you."

He gave her an amused wink behind his surgery glasses.

" Warren, I told you this little man is hanging on fine. We're sailing through the storm. I bypassed him earlier with the N0327P5 solution, Fife's cocktail. It's the bomb. I am entering the lower gastrointestinal tract… as we speak. Everything is fine. I'm pretty confident about that one."

"Vika?"

"It does not look good from my part. Work is shoddy like a butcher went at it. Pancreatic arteries started bleeding a minute ago. It's really...messy. Pressure will be dropping in one minute. I sense that his organs will shut down one by one, beginning with his pancreas. He will bleed out. The tumor is like a giant spider still attached to him. It's magnificent."

On cue, the ECG started beeping frantically.

"Aspiration, please. Dr Gucic, whose side are you on?"

"Mine…"Keeping my job" side… You should try it."

"Nah…They won't fire you. They won't even fire me. I won a Harper Avery and a bunch of other useless stuffs. That makes me a superstar basically. It will be real easy to find another job somewhere else or buy an island and never work again."

"Not if you kill that kid." Warren cut in, not very encouraging.

"Nonsense! You know why Dr Fresker is actually worried, Dr Gucic? He knows if I'm gone… He will be lonely."

"Your ego alone must have his own life. You're hugely misguided as always. I don't dare speak of your sense of interpretation of events. I only want to fire you myself when I come back. Please do something stupid."

"See what I was saying… We're never ever getting fired from this place, Gucic! I was just thinking we never went out for a drink you and me, did we?"

"We did…not."

"How terrible is that! Why?"

"If it's true, I am known to be a bit of a free-spirited supremely accomplished highly functional whore around here. You're too much of an egotistical maniac to even generate an interest. It would be just a clash of egos, I'm afraid."

"Such pessimism, I can tone it down sometimes. I support various charities and I always have one more seat to the fashion week. I love helping little cancer kids. They're my life. Girls dig that."

"I started by cutting small animals after school I wouldn't know."

"Why do you have to be so dark? Are you gothic or something like that?"

"Are you even for real? The mother of god of pancreatic nephroblastoma had just moved 3 millimeters left, BP is going down, Pancreas is done and you're asking me if I'm some sorts of satanist."

He stopped everything to look at her through his glasses. The monitor got even louder.

"I knew that. You did not answer my question. I ask if you're a gothic, not a satanist? I'm aware there is a difference, right? There is a difference? Please reassure me, Thanvi. "

"There're all the same to me."

Thanvi said staring at the monitor.

"They're not all the same!" Vika grunted. "Can we focus now?"

"See, I knew there was a difference. I can do gothic... and heavy metal I think. But the satanist thing is a bit too much. "

He went back to his task.

"I'm not a satanist. I'm not going for a drink with you. I punched an attending for doing what you're doing."

"Really, Foreman hit on you. He is married to a bombshell of her lawyer named Julie."

"I'm not worth a bombshell is what you mean."

"That's not what I said. It's just strange. Julie never told me they were in a open marriage. "

It was Vika's turn to stop in her tracks.

"What did you do with your fingers just now? The bleeding stopped." She said, briskly leaning to see better.

"Wouldn't you like to know? What can I say? Those are magic fingers. Girls dig that too. I can teach you. So what's your favorite place to eat out? You gothic people, you do eat?"

She laughed.

" Spare me. You're just a misogynistic narcissistic prick who only dates model bimbos who fawns over your ridiculous sports car and interns …"

She turns to Mya with a sigh. Mya's eyes grew wide in panic.

"…too dumb to open a book and train. "

"You said that like it's a bad thing?"

"It's not, I am just the same. Call it a conflict of interest. Aspiration. "

"We could share. We'd make a nice team together."

Her eyes were trained on his hands, watching them, tore and clamped through the damaged stomach with depth and meticulousness. He was going at it like a bulldozer. That poor… poor kid! What a great job. She looked up the monitor. He was stable again. Will he be able to hold on? Like he read a mind, he took a step back and turned to the chief nurse.

"Thanvi?"

Thanvi moved closer to the other telephone and the tactile screen on the wall.

"It's done. He just became the first on the organ transplant list. I got a match in Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center. I'm making a reservation as we speak. It can be ours in less than two hours. "

"Just what I need to fight this thing. Mya, can I count on you?"

Mya nodded eagerly before leaving the surgical room. Vika looked Kyle in the eyes for the first time.

"On purpose, I see. You've got a plan all along. I thought you were just a pretty prick. My bad! What did you do again? Those little fingers can be so quick. But what a sloppy job, let me help…here. How is it?"

"It's great. On your right there is a carcinoma. It's almost burned. Take it out."

"Like that?"

"You're a natural."

"I know."

"I'm still on, people."

"Oh...yeah! Fuck, I admit he's good! Like really good! Warren, I mean Dr Fresker… we're good here."

Kyle paused to look at her, mirth in his eyes.

"You called him by his First name."

"Can I call you by your first name too, Kyle?

"You're so...tough."

"You're a bit slow on the cutting and sloppy on the clamping... But you can atomize a mass like it's nobody's business. Nobody's perfect. Now be a sweatheart, do that thing only you can do…again."

She saw him looked up again in her direction. Now, he could barely disguise the hunger in his eyes.

"Help! Somebody! Too much tensions ! Dr Fresker, we're really uncomfortable here. I have a family. Please come back soon." Thanvi called out.

"Will do Thanvi, hold on. Kyle? Kyle?"

"…I… Yes... I'm good. We're… Good."

" I know that. Vika, don't go too hard on him."

"I never go too hard." She whispered before she laughed.

"I'm leaving. Send me an update every half hour. Call me if he does anything inadequate."

"I will never hang that call then if I were you,."

"Hahaha…Very funny... I love your little resident, Warren. She is real... charming."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter =Taking the wrong curb


	9. Taking the wrong curb

-9-

Taking the Wrong curb

Phone still glued to his ears, Warren turned around feeling watched. The blonde was standing bare centimeters from the edge of the sidewalk. Not the least bit intimidated or embarrassed by the fact that she'd been caught red-handed snooping. She did not avert her eyes from him. There was a gleam of pride in her eyes. She stared into his eyes with purpose. He did not know exactly what it was yet. He simply did not understand her that way. The boldness… The serenity… Hands on her hips, she even smiled slightly in her indigo blue scrubs. He grew more intrigued by the minute. It was hard to look away from her. He took a quick peek at his watch. Time was a problem though. He needed to be on the first flight this afternoon. He doubted Whyatt would be waiting to make her blonde and him that was obviously a disaster waiting to happen. He shook his head. No. That was definitely not happening.

"See what I was saying… We're never getting fired. Gucic, I was just thinking we never went out for a drink you and me, did we?"

He did not voice his main concern. He did not even pay attention to Kyle and ViKa's heavy banter. His answers when he had one were monosyllabic words put together. She was still looking at him.

"You called him by his First name."

He heard it too. The slip of tongue probably brought him back to the conversation.

"Can I call you by your first name too, Kyle?"

He did not even paid attention to their casual banter until she called by his first name. That was a mistake Vika rarely made.

"Kyle? Kyle?"

He asked. As he expected, it took Kyle a whole minute to answer back. This partnership was probably not a match made in heaven. He missed that part when he was planning ahead. Kyle liked strange pretty young things and could be sometimes distracted by them. Well, Vika could certainly deliver in that department. She was an authentic weirdo. But again, Kyle himself did not demerit. He was a big pile of trouble for one little Vika, a girl addicted to were another disaster waiting to happen. Well, you could never have too much of those, right?

"Vika, don't go too hard on him." He tried to remind her. She needed to stay focused on the job. Kyle needed to remember Warren would skin him alive if that boy did not make it. There was just too much at stakes.

"I never go too hard." She whispered with that sensual voice of hers.

Thanvi was right. That was just plain too much. She was too much of a child sometimes.

" I'm leaving. Send me an update every half hour. Call me if he does anything inadequate."

"I will never hang that call if I were you."

"Hahaha…Very funny... I love your resident, Warren. She is really charming."

He terminated the call just in time for Catherine Avery to stop in front of him. She was visibly breathless from trying to catch up with him. He was slightly distracted by the fact that the blonde never averted her gaze from him. He sobered up quickly though.

"You made me run for you, you crazy son of a bitch!"

"I'm also glad to meet you, Catherine. I'm leaving."

"Don't be silly!"

But he was, so he just opened the passenger door to the car more than prepared to jump in and leave her screaming on the sidewalk. He gave another quick peek over his shoulder and sure Blondie was still staring. She was a classical beauty, quite ordinary he might add. Grecian nose… rosy pouting lips … Wavy honey blonde hair... An air of maturity... It was her eyes that decidedly gave him pause. There was something in there… Something strangely frightening and enticing all at once… At least, now that he could take a better look at her, she was flawed somehow. He found beauty in those seemingly small imperfections, in the unrefined ponytail, the thinly-traced wrinkles around her mouth and the oversized scrubs. Despite or because of all these things, she exuded something dark and dangerous. There was truly something else at play with her. She stood there all fierce and brave in the armor of a warrior… He absent-mindedly undid his ties all the while admiring her.

"Come back here right now!"

He pulled away from looking at Meredith reluctantly as he turned his attention to Catherine. He cut her off before she even started.

"You know we've been through this already, Catherine? Do you see me leaving my hospital for this?"

"Your cutting-edge, high-rated medical center is going through a tough sale and budget cuts as it is piloted by the worst scum medical company existing on the side of the hemisphere. So you can stop pretending you're not interested. I know you. I raised you."

"I was your intern once. I'm not your son."

"Listen to me…"

"No, you called me like it was an emergency. So I indulged you on your whim and came… But I think I know all I need to know about this... place with… these people. I don't want to work here. I can't be working here."

"Don't be like that… You know why I was calling you before you even took the plane."

"We spoke over the phone about the possibility of me running one of your medical centers with free reins, no strings attached but you remained vague at best. There are two other privately owned hospitals with the Avery foundation on their board just in Washington State. Why would I think you hate me enough to want me to go second-grade myself here."

"How dare you?"

"This is a joke of a hospital. They managed to kill Mark Sloane, my friend, as you know, my fellow, one of the best plastic surgeons in the country in a plane crash. You just have to go there, right! Oh! And they shot Shepherd the neurosurgeon and… now I heard he is dead. You want me to run that? They probably run wild in here. It'd be safer for me to go join my brother in doctor without borders than to work here. I almost forgot…Why would you give that ticking bomb that's nothing but the shadow of her brother a job?"

He may have been pretty harsh but he did not think there was a need to sugarcoat things at this point. This was a strange place to go kill one's career. Catherine gave him one of her trademark feral glare.

"Stop it! Do not play me for a fool either! The doctor I raised through surgeries and traumas would not take a plane if he was not interested. He would not take a plane and waste precious time if there was not a chance that it might be it. You have always been impatient, Warren. You are full of wants and expectations. That is what makes you a damn good chief of staff. But like I said, I know you. You want the change, Warren. I saw the way Pegasus does it. Yes, they are our competitors and I want nothing more than to strike them where it hurts and bury them once and for all. But what you built in Annapolis in eight years was nothing short of a miracle. It was extraordinary in its prime days. It was the number #1 medical research facility in the US. Now you're ranked #9 and you don't even have a trauma ward anymore… And you know they will take it further…They will destroy it… dismantled what you build in all these years… And the team of great minds you have assembled there… they will quit one by one. You need new challenges. I bring you this. Level 1 Trauma center. Ranked 7# in terms of research facility in the whole country with cutting-edge equipment… a stellar residency program… Though we have our mishaps…"

She glared at Edwards, who lowered her gaze to the floor.

"This is where medicine is made these days. I've heard you met Pierce."

"You had no right. She was mine. I've followed her for years… I mentioned her just once at that gala last time and…"

"Because she is brilliant… She chose us and you were too slow."

"I don't know how you do this… I probably hate you for this… But overall, that was not enough to impress me."

"You talk a good game, son. Sure! But you were scared enough to run."

He could barely suppress a snort. Catherine gave him a wink, knowing she won the battle and almost won the war.

"What kind of eccentricity will you pull out of your hat next? I warned you I'm not easily pleased these days, Catherine. I am about to lose my job like every other day of the week and I could be interviewing elsewhere. Time is something I don't have."

An engine roared in the distance. They all turned to see a wreck of a car taking a curb as it entered the parking lot. But instead of slowing down, it seems to gain speed as it approached the courtyard of the hospital.

Even if she did not know what made her move, Meredith climbed in her car just as fast and hit reverse. The collision was violent enough to get her airbag out, but it succeeded in stopping what could have been a disaster in terms of casualties.

Warren turned to Catherine as if it could be her doing, but her face was drained of all its colors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter= Collision of Spirits


	10. Collision of Spirits

-10-

Collision of spirits

**Whatever you like – Anya Marina**

There was a distant humming of car engines coming from the streets almost like a background soundtrack. It colored the dull scene giving it some kind of urban flavor. It was starting to be a bit warm outside for May and Meredith's face was partially flushed with sweat. The asshole was taking off his coat and his vest as he was taking one phone call after the other pretending to be as busy as the president of the United States. She just knew the type. It made her laugh.

He dropped the garment on the backseat of the limousine while the driver waited patiently inside. She observed him for a while trying to imagine what he could do for a living. He certainly did not look medically trained. He was a fair few inches taller than Meredith. He had tousled dark brown hair which did not have quite the McDreamy quality. They were cut short and though she could see the wind blowing the strands away, it was not McDreamy's. His face screamed lawyer. He probably was one considering also how he dressed. His eyes were just a spot of grey that melted into a milky green. There was a faint glimmer in them, gifting them with soul-searching abilities. His face was strong and defined. His jaw especially seemed molded in marble, his skin tawny and slightly tanned. His plush dark eyebrows sloped downwards in a serious expression. He did not have a truly open expression. What a contrast with Derek's amazingly warm blue eyes! She remembered fondly Derek which smiles could lit a room effortlessly. He was impossible to miss or forget. It was nothing like that with this man. If he had a playful smile it probably looked more like a snarky grin than a warm inviting smile. But his hands looked strong she noted. He wore a sophisticated white shirt perfectly pressed with black trousers.

He got better the more Meredith looked. She would not call him handsome and not even attractive. She did not know what to call him to tell the truth. There was just something truly masculine about him, athletic without the muscles definition, groomed but with the faintest sign of stubble, sophisticated without the manners.

He met her gaze and almost stopped talking at the sight of her. They were both silent and an air of recognition almost passed in his eyes. She must have been imagining this entirely. He started talking again like nothing happened. This one would have been dubbed McFrosty in Christina's book.

He hung up to take another look at her. She stared back. She had nothing better to do anyway. He seemed surprised that she did not avert her gaze. Something reached his eyes and his face broke into the faintest of smile. It surprised her somehow since she did not think he was capable of it. His left eyebrows danced slightly as he became almost perplexed. She did not know why she pursed her lips together as to not imitate him. It was almost too hard to resist. Maybe she wanted to challenge him… She wanted him to say something to her… If he would just say something to her… If he dared… But the moment passed and he was soon joined by Hurricane Catherine. There was a slight wrinkle in his eyes at the sight of the disheveled state of Jackson's mother. Smiling, she could only imagine what they could be talking about. Then, when Catherine grabbed McFrosty' s arm like it was a lifeline, Meredith had two sobering thoughts. The first one was that McFrosty probably had banged Webber's wife from Sunday to Tuesday presumably sometimes when he was in kindergarten. Gross. The second one was that she'd been flirting with a total stranger. It was not even a McDreamy, a prince charming with great hair. His weren't so bad… Will you stop with the hair? Christina would have barked. What was wrong with her?

Meredith shook her head in frustration. She sighed. It was more than a humming that made her pause. She heard the roar of an engine as a car swerved dangerously in the parking lot. Instead of slowing down it seemed to gain speed as it approached the courtyard of the hospital. She was looking at McFrosty in panic. But he had his back to her and he was too deep into his conversation with Catherine to even notice her anymore. The wreck of a car took another curb haphazardly. They were on its trajectory. So Meredith moved… More precisely she ran to her car... She was thinking quicker than her brain could process. The SUV Mercedes squeaked happily and she threw herself behind the wheel at once. With a start, her car squealed as she hit reverse and crushed the accelerator under her feet. Her chassis wrapped itself into the other car, creasing around it, bend and ripped as easily as sandpaper with a deafening bang of metal. Then her body jerked violently to the dashboard, her forehead collided with the airbag. She closed her eyes. Her head smashed the side window before another airbag punched the side of her face. There was a millisecond separating the two events and a scream left her lungs. Her head was pounding furiously. _Did you feel that Derek? My Love, can you feel it? I can live without you, but I don't want to. I don't ever want to. **What** __**I want ? You, me…the kids. Us together. Forever!**_

Shit !

She forgot her belt. It was the last thought she had before everything went dark.


	11. Things irremediably broken

Things irremediably broken

What is that moment? What is that defining moment? When you know it's over? When you know you've got no more fight in you? When is that moment? Can you feel it in the air? Can you close your eyes and see the end and be irremediably convinced that this is it? **Flashback**. _Amelia woke up next to her dead fiancé._ Sure you had fights before, sure you argued over small things, petty things, unimportant things, you battled over what you love about him and what you dislike… **Flashback.** _Amelia was eating ice scream after learning James Peterson was a republican._ You battled over the weakness inside you that makes you forget why you were wrong for each other in the beginning. **Flashback.** _Amelia was feverishly kissing Owen Hunt in an on call room._ You danced around this so many times. Different partners. Same song. Sure, you told him to leave you alone countless times, you told him you were not made for him and he was not made for you. Sure, you wanted him to be miserable without you and he probably wished you the same misery. Sure, you know life is not supposed to be all rainbows and sunshine! But when do you managed to convince yourself to stop believing in that fairytale love story that your daddy promised you will experience one day? When do you wake up from that dazed state?

Amelia Shepard loves standing on the bridge. It seemed a good place to observe the world evolving below. It was peaceful to her. There were things she did not know about the bridge. She didn't know that Derek was shot there for instance, that once upon a time his life hung on a balance just where she stood. She didn't know he fought with Mark a second time there. It was a place like another for her. The Sloane Grey Memorial was supposed to be her clean state after all. Her "do-over".

The bridge was the sum of noises blending in the lobby below. It was the numbing noise of the sliding doors as it let people in and out of the hospital. It was the ringtone of the food cart's cash register. It was the vacuum cleaner's tender humming. People were coming and going, sometimes crying and hugging each other, sometimes laughing and carrying balloons. She noticed Maggie as soon as she passed through the doors with Alex. They were laughing at something he presumably said and seemingly teasing each other. They stopped in front of the food cart and argued over a donut before Alex darted to the elevators. Amelia yawned and stretched slowly. An on call room was something she craved right now. But she could not find it in herself to move toward that goal. She looked down to see that Maggie had moved on and was engrossed in a deep conversation with a visitor. Amelia turned to leave before something in the guy's attire caught her eyes... Mainly his coat… His watch. A vintage Jaeger-Lecoultre... The same as her father's... Outrageously expensive... piece of pride... He offered his hand to Maggie who shook it with enthusiasm. She grabbed the railing for support. She was blinded by another sequences of disturbing memories.

 _Flashback. Wearing intern scrubs_ , _25-years old_ _Amelia was frantically popping pills in her mouth, until the need for breath gave her pause. Her eyes glistened with tears. The pain was so strong. She breathed in at last, leaning heavily against the walls, her legs no longer carrying her. Multiple images and symbols flashed before her eyes_. _Her father got shot and everything went dark after that."Derek, you have to believe me, I told you he had it in for me! He is evil! **You're sure? It seemed to me that it was all pretty obvious, you just fucked up again.** I'm your sister. I'm your baby sister… and you never ever give me the benefit of doubts. You always find a way to make me feel small and insignificant just like everybody else. No wonder I am this way ! You don't trust me, your own sister! **You made me not trust you, Amy!** How could you say that to me! You don't know what he did to me! As soon as the words left her mouth, it was just too late to take them back. Derek looked at her in distrust. **What did you just say?** " _Amelia opened her eyes with a shiver. What was that? She touched her forehead with trembling fingers. Before she could take a proper step back, she stumbled, lost balance and fell backwards.

"Amelia?"

Fortunately, Maggie was coming out of the elevator at the same time. She rushed to Amelia's side and gathered her in her arms.

"Are you okay?"

Amelia could only shake her head in answer. She took a deep breath at last and felt sensibly better. After checking her pulse, seeing it was normal, Maggie slowly helped her to her feet. Amelia looked down to the lobby. But Warren was gone, as if he had been but a figment of her imagination. She sighed again.

The sunlight sliced through the smoky clouds while they drifted aimlessly in the open sky. A supersonic plane left a white trail in the blue. April stood a moment on the threshold of the therapist's building. Under her feet, the next small step looked like a terrible precipice from where she was standing. Finding her breathing back became so tedious all at once. Jackson came out of the building after a visit to the restroom. He did not acknowledge her and darted in the direction of the parking lot.

"Jackson? Wait?"

He ignored her.

"I said wait! What's your problem?"

He stopped inches from his Jeep.

"I have no problem. I gotta go to work unlike you."

"So now, I'm slacking off."

"That's not what I said."

April was at a loss for words. Jackson was breathless even though so few words had been exchanged.

"Listen, can we stop fighting?"

"You're the one who take everything I say the wrong way."

"Okay! I'm sorry ! Jackson, I know you think I'm not listening to you but…"

"We don't have to talk about it anymore."

"No, I understand my part in this. I get that I have to be blamed for this… this fiasco… that is our…marriage. I want to fix it. Tell me how I can make it up to you. Tell me how I can fix it."

Jackson stood there silent for a few minutes then he just turned to open his car.

"Jackson?"

"I can't do this now, April. I'm late. My mom has been out of control lately trying to fix every problem at once. I can't give her another reason to worry."

"Jackson? Please?! We used to make such a good team, you and me. We were best friends once."

"Yes, we were. We still… No, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not sure of anything anymore."

"Jackson, I'm not going anywhere without you. I'm not leaving. I don't want to leave."

"I may be going soon."

"What do you mean?"

Jackson hesitated.

"It's complicated. My grandfather suggested that I took the head of the NY office of the Avery Foundation in charge of international operations. With my mom married to Richard and her assuming control over the board, things are not going to be easy here anyway. I don't know. I may need a change of pace. And…She called Warren."

"Who?"

"Fresker. Warren Fresker. The golden child. He is the son she wanted to have."

"What? Your mom loves you. She kissed the ground you walk on."

"I know that. But Warren was her student... Her creation. He is a fixer like her. They take control and fix things. They have a weird relationship really. I can't deal with the both of them."

Jackson sighed in frustration, just thinking about it. April took a hesitant step back.

"So, you're leaving…"

"I'm thinking about it at least. It wouldn't be definitive."

April struggled to breathe.

"What does that mean? What? What? What are we doing here? Trying to fix things that are irremediably broken. Wasting more time! We need a lawyer not a therapist . Not even a priest can help us... You... you can send me the papers… We have a prenup. Should be easy enough... I just need to sign the papers…"

"April… You're taking things…"

"I'm just a bad wife. You want a divorce. You don't want me anymore! So, you're leaving…"

"That's not what I said. I want to find a way to make this work. You're not the only one in pain !"

"You want your freedom back."

"You wanted it too a couple of months ago. You left first. "

"I'm always leaving. That's what you said. That's my fault. I left. I killed the baby! All my fault!"

"April, stop…"

" You're heartless bastard! That's my fucking fault is what you're saying."

Tears blurred her vision.

"April!"

She started sobbing.

"Why won't you grow a pair for once in your life! Just do it! Tell the fucking truth of how I did this to us ! I wanted you. I wanted my family back. I wanted my baby back. I wanted things to go back to normal. But I could not fix it. He was inside of me. He was a part of me… And he was hurt there... He was in pain...and I lost him… I could not say sorry enough… and I was so empty all the time. I could not help you. I could not help myself. You… were constantly looking at me reminding me I was broken. I could not deal with that. I couldn't have find my way back on my two feet staying right where I was. You were making me feel even more miserable every day."

"I was… I was making you feel miserable."

"Yes!"

Jackson lowered his gaze to the ground.

"So…"

"It's over. It's done. We're done. We can't make this work, Jackson."

"Okay."

Jackson pulled open the door of his car. He was slightly disoriented when he sat behind the wheel. His head was pounding with unfinished thoughts.

"Will I see you tonight?"

Dazed, April's answer was barely audible.

"I'm going to stay somewhere else."

"April, you don't need to do that, I could book a hotel."

"I said it first. I… said it…first. I said it first…So… So, it's okay. "

Gripping the wheel tightly, Jackson started his car and drove angrily away leaving April behind in the seemingly empty parking lot. He could not stop looking at her in the rearview. He wanted to stop but could not find the strength. If he stopped, his determination will leave him. He did not want to be unhappy anymore but had no idea how to fix what was broken.

Emotionless, April looked at her surroundings. She spotted a garbage can in the corner of the parking lot and frantically dropped her bag, keys and cellphone in it. A parking attendant saw it in the camera and try to call after her. But she remained deaf to his calls, she just kept walking and disappear in the crowd of people crossing the sidewalk.

"I'm good, Maggie. I'm a bit exhausted, that's all."

"When was the last time you slept?" Maggie asked.

"What to say, I'm married to the job. I was going to rest anyway."

Amelia forced a smile on her lips.

"Why are you dressed as Meredith?" She asked in return.

"Is it so obvious? I trashed my shirt with an idiotic drinking game. And I fell asleep at her place. Oh my god, that's what it feel like to be a sophomore in college!"

"Well, I used to live with her. That's her "Paris-Paris" top. I often dreamed of stealing that top. It's uncommonly "cute". Glad someone beat me to it. So you were having breakfast with Karev?"

"When you say it like that it sounds almost... dirty?"

"I'm just saying. Do you want it to be dirty?"

"Common, we just shared a donut at the cart. It was the last one. Then I had a banana. If you call that "freaky" I will have underestimated your own level of naughtiness."

"You are probably underestimating my level of naughtiness anyway. You and him?"

"Not ever. Not a question. Why?"

Amelia just shrugged nonchalantly.

"Huh? Nothing."

"Did you meet with that creepy fan stalker? You've got the same level of cognitive response."

"Warren Fresker?"

"You know him? You saw us? He was quite intense and... Definitely special. I did not even know what to say. "

"I used to know him…I mean… I've worked for him very briefly in New York."

"Really?"

"I did part of my internship there. Derek was an attending already. It's a long story."

"Oh ! Oh! So he is not a creepy fan stalker at all?"

Amelia looked downward at the front entrance.

"No. He is not. He is considered the best medical head-hunter in the country. He is also Upper GI surgery and General surgery double board certified with a fellowship in otolaryngology. Though, I never saw him enter an actual OR. He'd stopped surgeries before my time being more management and business oriented. Hospital honchos all over the country give him free reins so that he reorganizes their surgery department. If you caught his eyes, you will never be without a job. People on his watch get Harper Avery awards and what not. He was known to build the most competitive and elitist residency program in the country. Derek and Mark respected him a lot… at some point. They used to go golfing together. He was part of their New York circle. I understand he was friend with Mark because their family estate was close to each other."

"Mark Sloane had a family estate? Sounds fancy…"

"Yes… It's not common knowledge. But Mark's parents lived in the Hamptons. He was not close to them. Mark, Derek and the whole gang hung out a lot with Warren. They all went to Harvard. He had a boat. So that's how…I know him."

"I see. That's kind of a six degrees of separation thing-y… How odd! Then he became your boss you said. That's even weirder… Again I said that but the first man I talk to in my new job is revealed to be my long-lost biological father. Nevermind… Okay. I was just thinking he was an admirer. But hey, I just met with someone really important and I kept making silly jokes. Great."

"Don't bother. He is just a gigantic ass all the time. I don't give a fuck if he stays."

"Okay. That's some pretty clear feedback. You?"

"No, he is just..."

Amelia just shrugged. She desperately needed to drop the subject since it brought unnecessary emotions.

"So how was it? The pity party went well?"

"We had so much fun. I laughed a lot. I learned too. But mostly I laughed and got mighty drunk. "

"Oh I missed something then. "

"Truly. You missed the midnight Margharitas."

"I'm more of an oxycodone kind of girl, believe me. Besides I'm on a strict sobriety diet."

"Sorry!"

"It's okay! So, you never did tell me what you guys talked about last night?"

"Nothing important. We were just hanging out."

"Did Meredith talk about Derek?"

"Well, the subject did come forth. But it was nothing deep… She just told me how she met him."

Amelia crossed her arms. Maggie watched the floor and tightened awkwardly the hold on her purse.

"You should be careful. If that little resident saw you with her boyfriend, I'd say you're in tons of trouble. She looks bitchy. She is tiny but looks tough. I could beat the crap out of her if you wanted."

Amelia teased.

"Thanks. But no thanks… We truly missed you last night."

"I'm sure you all did." Amelia said curtly before turning to leave. She did not make two steps that she heard a loud bang outside. She turned to see Maggie's stunned expression.

"What was that?"

"I think it came from the parking lot."She said as she ran to the stairs.

Outside, Meredith was slumped unconscious in the driver's seat of her SUV. Her head was bleeding profusely, each drop of blood staining slowly the fractured window.


End file.
